Why am I stuck in magician Hell?

Ok kiddos. Time for me to actually offer up some words of advice instead of enlightening thru my charming power of hate. In this little essay I will be offering up advice on two things seldom talked about and usually overlooked.

First let's talk about bidness... bidness cards that is. What is the most important thing on a business card? Aside from your name, they need to know what you do. Are you a juggler, children's performer, corporate entertainer, etc. Too often we as performers forget that just because WE know what we do others have NO idea. It needs to be concise and to the point. Do not list EVERYTHING you do. Pick a program and go with it. Also, for the love of whatever deity you choose, do NOT put performer for "All Occasions". No one knows what that means. Walk around for open heart surgery? Who needs a mime at their barn raising... seriously? (Who needs a mime anywhere for that fact.)

The last thing you need on your cards is a way for them to contact you. Phone number, email, website. Quiz: Which is the most important? Thaz right the phone number. It needs to be big enough that someone with bifocals can read it. The rest can be a tad smaller. Your name and the phone number should ALWAYS be big enough for them to read. Also don't clutter up your card with shitty clip art or overload the card with too much pretty graffic. Sometimes.. less is more.

Now once you book that all important show with yer neet clean and oh so impressive easy to read bidness card what do you do when something breaks, snaps, frays, or just plain DIES! Thaz what this next bit is about so listen closely you monkeys.

Someone once commented that if you travel or tour AT ALL you need an emergency kit. When I heard this at a young age I wasn't doing any touring so I didna care as much.. however NOW it has proven to be a grand idea I tucked away in the back of my melon. What is in this travel case/bag you may ask? Well I shall illuminate a few of the essentials for you.

Needle and thread - Black mostly but other colors if you feel you might need it.
Tape - Duct, electric, metal, double sided, etc.
Tools - Screwdriver kit (Small), normal screwdrivers, needlenose pliers, etc.
Hot Glue Gun - TRUST ME!
Adhesives - super glue, etc...
Cutting implements - Scissors, xacto blade, etc..
Random crap - Band-aids (Trust me), nuts, bolts, batteries, lighter, hair tie, matches, and whatever else you think you might need at the drop of a hat.

This kit doesn't have to be large, just large enough to carry what you need to repair a prop or yourself. You can also put all of this in with your make-up if you use any. Never rely on the fact someone might have what you need. I have learned that in this bidness the only one you can usually rely on is yourself... note I said usually.

Oh a little tip for you close-up kids. If you are gonna work as a professional invest in clear nail polish. Before a show, walkaround, corporate, or whatever make your nails all shiny. It makes you and your hands look better.

So there you go. Three tips from me to you.

From,
Your fiendly neighborhood Bizzaro.