Why am I stuck in magician Hell?

The tale of a whore and an Asshat

I got voted one of the top 30 finalists for the USA characters welcome thingy. Now they are voting for the best. So VOTE FOR ME AND LOVE ME!!!! (Sings to self:)"I'mmmmmmmm a filthy whoooore"

Now onto our second story of the evening. "mulatto man almost drowns to death while New York watches and cheers like cattle" Yes the Asshat did a two count it TWO hour special only to FAIL on national TV. Ok ok I got that out of my system. Now to be fair I think him not doing it was a BRILLIANT idea. He has overcome all of his other challenges he has done. To screw one up shows he is human and gets sympathy and more press on his side. So kudos to him. Now mind you I don't think we needed two hours build up for this but.. whatever.

Out of the tricks he did (Which was what.. FOUR in two hours) I liked the shoes tying themselves trick the best. That HAS to be a Paul Harris thing. He loves shit like that. I can see it for sale soon. Mark my words. Then some Belgium guy will get all mad cuz' he did it on TV and then they bootlegged his one page flyer he made in 1967 and.. I digress. Honestly I enjoyed the street magic on this one ore than ANY of the other ones. More believable and amusing.. I mean the teeth thing.. that was effin' hysterical!! The bending the bars.. was lame. I admit it. The glass breaking cards was nice.

So all in all... I would have liked to have seen it done in 30 minutes like this: Magic tricks, a little build up, Blaine doesn't beat record, outtake of Criss Angel whipping it out and peeing in the fishbowl with Blaine in it. (Criss Angels next big thing.. "I will hold my breath for over niiiiiine minutes in a giant bowl full of white zinfandel.")

So our tale is over.. hope you enjoyed it. Salude!

Bizzaro.