Why am I stuck in magician Hell?

Ever wonder how magic guys get them good looking chicks? Simple.. they have a solid gold penis. I don't mean the solid gold like that bad dance show but like Goldmember gold. God knows it's not their looks, money, or personality.. it can't be.

Seriously folks, how many times do you hear people like David Coppertone wax poetic about how, "I was picked on in skool, no one liked me, girls wouldn't talk to me, I was shy, I had to walk home uphill both ways, our father would kill us a half hour before we had to wake up and etc etc.", and thus they turned to magic like so many smack addicts (Not the Ramen, the drug.) Thus because no one hugged them enuff and the last time they were close to a woman's genitals was when they were born, magic became their outlet to personality. This is my theory as to why so many stage magicians are dripping with (Insert vulgar term for female genitalia here) onstage while yet still having NO viable personality on stage.

At least that is what it used to be. Now it's grown from not only that to the fact that in the 80's that became the acceptable idea of what stage illusion was like. (Besides, hot chicks, loud music, leather jackets, bad hair - Who wouldn't want that?) Not only that it has also crept into female magicians acts like Melinda and Connie Boyd. Oiled up biker looking guys prancing around stage playing the part of the estranged love interest. Way to be original there gals.. really.

Hell even the magic guys who love the kok use femmes in their stage show... and why not? Sex sells. Yer target audience is male, why not exploit them like so many strippers have before? Mind you there is a dynamic that when onstage is better between a male and female. Seeing two guys onstage cuddling up close after they walk thru a giant fan might be, for some, alluring... however to the general public and most of the south, it's a bit un-nerving.

So yah... magicians keep gurls around to feel better about themselves, see naked chicks backstage, find a date, find a wife, find themselves.... whatever the reason it boils down to one thing. You still have to pay them.

Who sez it doesn't pay to be a propstitute?

Bizzaro.

(Join me next time for my rant on the "Care and feeding of your white tiger." or "How to get out of a contract by wearing meat flavored underpants.")