Friday, July 29, 2016

There a hole in my pocket... in my cookie...

So I released a product a while back. Not a huge OMG YOU MUST HAS THIS!!111 relase but a release nonetheless.

I realized I didn't put it on here so here you go:

I want to collectively and publicly shame thank everyone who helped out in this video. If you want to know exactly who these people, then the YT video description is what thou seek.

If you wanna buy this silly thing head over to

Sunday, June 05, 2016

Has it always been this way?

In Vegas we have had conversations about if bad performers know they are bad or if there has been this many terrible magicians in the past?

I think the answer to those questions are NO and YES! Together these two answers form a perfect union of lackluster magic.

With Your Powers combined... I SUCK!

I understand having enthusiasm for the craft. I totally get it. However, what I don't understand is not being able to look at a video that is so clearly stiff, so badly performed, so badly... BAD that you don't think to yourself, "Maybe I should wait until this doesn't look like ass."

The problem of course is the fact they don't know. (or if they do they don't care). The other issue lies in the fact that you can put something on the internet for the whole world to see before your those synapses fire that tell you something is a bad idea and then you just go with it. The fact is that technology is so accessible to everyone that we get to SEE more bad magic whereas these guys (and gals. They can suck too) would just sit at home in the mirror or go to their local magic club and be bad. They were just a danger to themselves locally. Now they can be aggravating globally.

Wanting to get feedback to improve is fine. Do that. For the love of Dr. Blight, don't post every little 45 second brain poop you think is "good". Remove yourself from the equation and ask, "Is this the best I can do?" and if the answer is "maybe" you might want to hold off hitting that upload button.

The internet is forever....

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Is it me you're looking for?

Hi Blogger land. Remember me? I'v;postID=3740701687079216422e been gone for a while. It's nothing you did. I just haven't been that angry about anything for a while.

Well that changes today... but first...

If you don't read The Jerx you should. He just posted a great article (That was picked up on Boingboing which is how I saw it) about when spectators of magic become suspicious. He says, and I quote, "Suspicion is brought on by an unnecessary expenditure of energy on the part of the magician." (There now you don't have to read it but you really should anyway you lazy bastards)

Vernon was known for eliminating unnecessary moves from his, and others, magic. So much magic has weird ass extraneous gestures it makes you wonder if some guys who made up these tricks had palsy. 

King of shaking the Aces

While you think about that, and how much of an asshole I am, can I just say how disappointed I am in magic "creators" lately?

I have been in Europe the last 3 weeks consulting for a TV show. We have gone through a lot of magic that we either bought or ask permission to use. The problem? Half of it is only good for straight to camera. They are so damned impractical to do for real people it's unreal. I knew it was bad but I had NO idea it had gotten to this level of absurdity. 

My warning to all of you reading this, if it's hyper visual on a magic demo, there is a 90% chance that you will never be able to do it for anyone, not even your dog. Hell maybe not even yourself in the mirror.. standing 10 feet back... in a dark room. 

Also, how many tricks out there now are just flaps, elastic thread, and magnets? Here is a hint... ALL OF THEM!! I have had to improve or fix so many of these, for the sake of argument let's call them ideas, it's infuriating. Half the time they don't work or they break after a few uses or a mix of the two. 

I hope all of you who are making money off this terrible magic, individuals and companies alike, get what's coming to you...

A real job.


Tuesday, April 05, 2016

Looking Back...

The older I get and the more young magicians I meet, the more I want to slap them around a bit and tell them to look into magicians and magic from more than 5 years ago. I understand many people are victims of the times in which they live but to assume that some of the current "magicians" out there know what the fuck they are talking about is just silly.

I even know that the serious students will look further back and they are the ones who will succeed but someone needs to tell these kids to look back past the internet.

Keep yo pimp hand strong....

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Awfully crowded...

Dear Magicians,

Crowdfunding websites like Indiegogo and Kickstarter are not there for you to use as your own personal street corner to panhandle on. Don't ask people to pay your trivial medical bills, rent, or get new props. Unless you have a million Twitter followers no one is going to care nor take you seriously. (If you have that many Twitter followers you likely wouldn't need that stuff anyway)


The Mngmnt.

Tuesday, February 23, 2016


Have you ever seen a performer on stage doing a card trick and had trouble seeing the selected card? Perhaps in a photo or video of your own performance? Well if you can’t see it, then neither can anyone else.

Even Zombies know the importance of Jumbo Index

I have no idea why some magicians have such a disdain for jumbo index playing cards. Actually that’s not true. I know some think they look “tricky” or unfamiliar. However if you happen to use any kind of vanity deck that argument goes right out the window.

It’s fine if you don’t want to use them for close-up. However, have you ever tried to identify a court card from a distance? It’s damn near impossible. 

When you are onstage it’s very important for things to be clear, especially if you are doing card tricks. There are simple things that may seem small but make a HUGE difference. Having the card signed with a red chisel tip marker, the way you force the card (if you do that), and having a deck of cards that is visible to everyone in the room. Some of your audience will likely need glasses or have them.It's your job to make sure that these tiny but important details are thought of and implemented for the sake of your audience.

Don't fear the reaper Ted...

Saturday, February 13, 2016

The little easy...

Sorry for my absence as of late. I haven't really been that angry at anything in the magic scene.... at least not enough to write about. There is plenty of regular asshattery but I have just grown numb to it.

 This is what everyday on the Cafe looks like

So in lieu of angst I will offer up some advice. As someone who has been doing stage magic since before some of you were born, let me dole out this brain dripping: Make Things Easy On Yourself! I have learned the hard way that if it happens once it can and WILL happen again. Fix it before the next show or it might bite you in the... well... you know ^...

Everything needs to flow as seamlessly as it can. This way you don't have to worry about something falling, not being in the right spot, or moving from it's (possibly secret) location. When you know you don't have to worry about things falling to pieces you can focus on your performance which is the more important part.

So if it needs a magnet, hook, velcro, ring of hot glue to keep it from rolling off the table, felt, fishing hooks, snap gums, broken popsicle stick, tampon applicator, whatever... then make it happen.

You'll be glad you did.