Clearly Improbable..

Dear Magicians,

Slapping the word "Omni" on something clear is not clever nor does it make the idea good. (also I doubt you have permission or give proper credit to the originator of that term/ idea)

Please be more creative.

Thanks,

The Mngmnt.

Sincerely yours...

Dear magicians,

Stop making up stories about your relatives that aren't true. Unless they actually happened, it's an insincere lie you are telling your audience and you REEK of it. It's also hacky as shit. It's like saying you are going to beat Houdini's "record" for escaping a strait jacket. You're better than that and if you're not... just stop.

The Mngmnt

Awfully crowded...

Dear Magicians,

Crowdfunding websites like Indiegogo and Kickstarter are not there for you to use as your own personal street corner to panhandle on. Don't ask people to pay your trivial medical bills, rent, or get new props. Unless you have a million Twitter followers no one is going to care nor take you seriously. (If you have that many Twitter followers you likely wouldn't need that stuff anyway)

Thanks,

The Mngmnt.

You are just a tool...

Dear Magic Creators,

A magic company will defend you only so long as you are valuable to them. The moment you are not a cash cow, they move on to the next slaughter. Don't let it go to your head. It's the same in every business.

A companies sole reason to exist is to make money. Don't fool yourselves into thinking they are "helping you" or anyone else other than themselves because they are "kindhearted". The only thing they care about is filling their coffers.

Keep that in mind when you fill the market with your brain poop.

Sincerely,

The Mngmnt.

"Everyone is so fake when they shake you hand, and they kiss your ass 'cause then they get cash" - Reel Big Fish

Get Out!

Dear Magicians,

Please stop saying trite shit like "let's get into it". I could turn this phrase into a drinking game watching magic demos and get hammered in 10 minutes. You HAVE to be able to find something better to say. I believe in you. I know you have it...

into you.

Thanks,

The Mngmnt.

I'm different... just like everyone else!

Dear Magicians,

Stop trying to say that your magic is different from everyone else when it's clearly not. If you say you are trying to "change the face of magic" then you can't do floating table, bowl-a-rama, strait jacket, linking rings or really anything else associated with ANY OTHER MAGICIAN!

Thanks,

The Mngmnt.

iHateyourDVD

Dear magicians,

Please stop using imovie to make your DVD templates (Or any other program with default templates). They look and sound like hell and everyone can tell you did it at home and didn't spend the money to get a proper professional DVD menu done because you are a cheap bastard.

Thanx,

The mngmt.

You will be soft rocked....

Dear magicians,

Please stop using really sedate background music for your trailers. It makes an otherwise good magic product seem really dull. If your demo makes me sleepy it equates to the trick being boring. There is better low key music that doesn't sound like a relaxation tape from the 80s.

Sincerely,

The Mngmnt.

I'm over the underground...

Dear magicians,

You really can't call yourself "underground" if you release product to the masses. You just sound like an idiot if you do. We don't have an underground anymore really. The moment you put something online for everyone to see that's it you're done. You want to be a hipster underground, then only show people stuff in person. That's it. Nuff' said.

Sincerely,
the mngmt.

Prose and cons...

Dear magicians,

Reciting or performing over the recorded track of a poem you did not write does not make you creative or unique... especially if you are doing it to gypsy thread.

That ship has sailed.

Thanx,
The Mngmnt.

It's thimple...

Dear magicians,

What the fuck is wrong with you?  I understand you like the classics and alla that but THIMBLES!? Seriously? Why are people still using these damn things? Unless you plan to play a tailor type character on stage then thimbles make no damn sense to use. They can't be seen from stage (even if you bedazzle them like Shimada) and anyone under the age of living either won't know what they are or care.

Now if you want to use a similar item and do the same magic fine. Have it make sense? Great. However twice this month I have seen two magician talking about learning/practicing thimble magic. Want to learn it just to learn it and jerk yerself off in the mirror fine. You want to inflict this "classic" on people knock it off!!

Thanx,
The mngmt.

My smooth brain...

Dear magicians with lots of money and no skill,

Buying your job title is like the people who cheat at online video games to be the "best".

I hope all of you die in a fire.

Sincerely,
The Mngmnt.

Knocik it off....

A message to all the younger magicians out there:

Hey kids, I know it's a catchy tune and all but for the love of all that is holey, please stop using that damn Fireflies song. It's annoying.

Thanx,

The mngmnt.

Snip, snip....

Dear magicians,

Please stop using your fingers like scissors to "cut" rope. It's insulting to the audience's intelligence and gives away the method. Find another joke that is not so tired and over-used.

Thanx,

The mngmnt.

PS: If I went back in time and Killed Tabary, what do you think modern rope magic would look like?

Isn't that my couch?

Dear magicians,

If you dress in an eccentric costume or play and eccentric character outside of the norm, please stop doing fucking card tricks. It's anachronistic. It doesn't FIT. You can probably use tarot cards or maybe cards made of wood or metal if you insist but they are out of place with a style of dress that is already out of place.

Thanx,

The mgmnt.