Monday, December 31, 2007

Here's to one more year closer to armageddon!! Let's hope the Mayan's are wrong and the sub-genius will eventually be right.

Magic isn't the only magic in the world.


Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Merry X-BOX!!!

So no one won the MuThErLoDe contest but FEAR NOT!! For I am a benevolent god and shall let everyone have one last shot at it. Later this week I will post a clue that shall lead you to the answer.. if you can figure it out of course.

However, Here is one of the answers I had gotten previously. It amused me, and normally that would do it, but since the stakes are so high.. so to speak, I am merely gonna give them name recognition for the holidays. Hope you kids get something you want... or get rid of something you DON'T want. If yer Jewish, forget I said anything.

hmmmm, common thread thru' out every post, hmmmm

Well the Asshat gets mentioned alot but he I think is an example and not the thing itself.

Railing on dipshits sitting in their rooms jerking off over their latest black fucking deck with pink bloody polka dots or some shit, and thinking being able to do a perfect fan with cum on their fingers is true magic, that's a fairly regular thread as well, but still perhaps a result and not the thing itself.

The advice you have proffered over the years has always been quite sound, hell "stop jerking off over your latest over hyped and expensive piece of marketed bullshit and get out there and perform" is pretty sound advice, right up there with "stop fucking imitating some old dickhead's shit and get out and come up with your own shit". Good advice it is, but perhaps a solution and not the thing itself.

I gave it more thought and came to a list of 3 things I thought you could be asking, 1) The obsession people have with doing the same old shit over and over again and not getting out there and creating unique acts, and 2) the ridiculous nature of magic today where everything is about how it's done and doing shit that looks cool and not about the fun, the entertainment, the fun and the magic ( did I mention the fun?) and 3) The way magic these days is so often over hyped and overpriced pieces of reinvented crap, but with slick market ting people buy this shit and think that having an exploding fucking mic stand is good entertainment because the blurb on the fucking web site told them so, and every thing is for sale and the whole fucking thing is all messed up because of cunts that just wanna screw the moronic masses of the magic world and take every last Penny from any dipshit that thinks you can become a magician by using a fucking online store, a deck of bullshit looking "magician" cards and a heap of fucking lube, the same guys who rate their success by knowing the fucking name of some fucking card move that no cunt really cares about anyway.

Well number 3 got a bit away from me, but I was pretty sure I had the answer some where in those 3, so I did some research and lo and behold I found this on your first ever post

" I wonder why magic has become the weird bastion of BS and capitilism that it has become."

So based on that I guess I have to stick with the rambling answer number 3 with a small sprinkling of answers 1 and 2 just to be sure.

* all quotes are my words and not direct quotes from your blog
** Thanks to MagicWhack for showing me the Mic stand
*** I really wanna win, I do blades already and would love to see your take on it and your advice with it.


So close... yet so far...


Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Some of you might already know, but I was aksed (along with a handfull of others) to help judge itricks "Trick of the Year" contest. Basically, what effect in 2007 tripped our triggers. I threw Richards Sander's Interlace into the ring. I like the idea and effect behind it. Right now it us up to the public to be the tie breakers for the effects the judges nominated.

Can I have my Doritos back now?


Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Bizzaro.'s Guide to Picking up Chicks with Magic

No one has won the MUTHERLODE contest sooooooo... because I love you all so very much I will extend it till Friday the 21st. I have gotten some good guesses, but the answer is right in plain site. Now onto the actual meat of the potatoes...

There is talk online from time to time about picking up girls with magic or how to talk to them and blah blah blah. Magic should NEVER be a substitute for YOU. Here are some tips should you encounter someone or.. something yer attracted to in the great wide world in front of you.

1. Don't start off ANY conversation with a girl that starts with "Pick a card, any card." This is not sexy. Not even if Johnny Depp did it. You might as well just walk right up to her and say, "Nice fuck want some shoes?" It will get you about as far.

2. In the same vein, don't ask them if they want to see a magic trick. Strike up a conversation in some more subtle way. Then work the conversation around to talk of hobbies or work or whatnot and slip it in that you dabble in magical entertainment or some crap like that. Let them come to you. If they are interested in you or your magic they will BE interested in you or want to see a trick and ask thusly. It's less forced and let's face it: There are no such things as stalkers, just hopeless romantics with restraining orders.

3. As told to me by Eric Mead, learn to talk about something other than MAGIC. Whut? That's crazy talk you're speaking dood!! There is more to the world than magic? Hate to break it to you, but yes virginia, there is. People are most interested in people... and yes even girls are people. Ok.. well MOST of them are.

4. Spread it out. (No not like that you perv) Don't overwhelm them with magic. If you actually get to the point where you are dating and doing dinner and stuff it's ok to do floating rose or whatnot on your first date.. but don't over do it. Then it's not special. Always leave them wanting more.

Now of course these few tips are not gospel and everyone will work their "magic" in their own ways. However, the biggest problem with doing magic for a girl too quickly is you move immediately to the friend ladder and as we all know it's a long fall into the abyss. You have to find that fine line between sexy dood, (or doodette, but let's face it, do girls need magic to pick up guys. In one word: Duh?), and funny magical friend guy.

Also one more little tidbit. Staring into some girls eyes and trying to read her mind or tell her what her card is isn't sexy unless yer on TV.

Even if you are a washed up old 80's rocker.


Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Sign here...

Still no winner on our contest yet, but you still have time. (Hell I lost a day somewhere. I thought it was Thursday. If I keep this up, you may have PLENTY of time.)

So... four years hunh? I think I am one of, if not the, oldest magic journal (I don't like the word blog. Hell even Blogger's spellchecker doesn't have blog in it's database. Go fig.) left since MCJ threw in the towel. He started a revolution I tells yah. We stepped forth from the green primordial ooze that is message boards and found a place where we can say what we want without the jeers of detractors and the cheers of sycophants.

With that in mind, here is another mind numbing line of thought by yours truly.

So I was sitting at Eric Buss' lecture the other day (Creativity and character. Good stuff.) and he talked about his "Signature Piece". In the past, many magicians have had a routine or two that was theirs and SOLELY theirs. I realized this was a common thing of well known magi early on and developed my infamous eyeball routine because of it. The likes of Jeff McBride and Rudy Coby showed me the light.

In today's world however, the stage is taking a beating and even a unique dove routine or card manip act can seem mundane as so much has come before it. Creativity and original material is the holy grail of magic, but yet so many... choose poorly. Even a guy producing CD's like doves seems commonplace in today's magical world.

I tend to find it's even worse in the close-up world. Too many people cull together three or four tricks that belong to others and call THAT their signature piece. Hell some even do someone else's trick verbatim and say that is what they are known for. Some might be content with that, but I say NAY!! Rise up against your former masters and find the stuff that's you.

I have had people read this thing and assume I might not like them cuz' they DO the stuff I bitch about. I don't judge anyone on what they do, it's who they are. So if yer a hobbyist who is trying to better yourself and maybe turn pro, congrats. It's a long hard road. If yer say... I dunno, I'll pull a name from the ether... mmmmyabe... John Lovick... well then you can eat a dick.

So go forth and look deep inside yourself. Be honest with who you are and what you do. Your strengths. Your weaknesses. It's an uphill battle all the way to stray from the heard.

And it's a long hard road to Taco Bell.


Tuesday, December 11, 2007

It all comes to a head...

And as well all know, head rules.

Anywho, first our Mudderload contest info. I won't make it easy on you however. I am going to ask you a question about this journal. You are the first one with the correct answer, then you geta cookie.. er.. wait.. no.. you get EVERYTHING we here at Fire Cat Studios has for sale. Helter Shelter DVD and book, and many e-books. The Marked Man Lecture notes, Cheat Damn You pdf, and even the hard to find Banned in Texas notes. (of course if you already have some of these you'll just get the stuff you don't already have.) There is even a little surprise gift as well that is not on the market as of yet. However you only have a week to answer so on Dec. 18th, if we have no proper answer, then all is lost. You can only answer once, so think about it very carefully.

So here it is: What common thread do most of the posts on this journal share?

Finally, the last Rant. Never before seen by the public. Un-edited for your amusement and mine.

Why am I stuck In Magician Hell? #5
Written by: Bizzaro. The Optical Illusionist
"Never Rub Another Man's Rhubarb."

Thaaaaaat's right kids, DJ Bizzaro here spinning all of your favorites! This next one is a special request you should all know and love. It's called, "Copyright law. What a fickle hooker that is." by.. well just about EVERYONE!!

As many people who have looked into it know, you can't copyright a magical device, merely the intellectual property of the script or routine. (With very few exceptions. Did you know that with the proper patent number you can look up the device Coppi the Sex Wizard uses to fly?) There are vocal Nazis when it comes to giving credit in magic about who created this or did that. A good example of this was the Shapeshifter change DeSouza released a while back. Many people were like, "That's Oscar Munoz's trick. You just blah blah blah grrr and stuff.." The Axis change comes to mind as well. They even said "Well this was someone else's, but they did it like this and I just moved my arms down here." (Mind you there was a reason it was done the original way. But hey who cares, it wasn't "street" enuff.)

"My name is Bambi and my pet peeves include smokers, people who talk during magic videos, and performers who don't respect who owns what." There is a Playboy interview you'll never see... and for good reason. Outside of magic, NO ONE CARES!! If you claim to have invented Ambitious Card, the mundanes will not remember nor care. Magicians might get bent out of shape about it (Even tho' 3/4's of them couldn't tell you where it originated anyway). You want to terrorize someone for a while? When they show you something new you've never seen, tell them it's a Vernon or Marlo effect from some obscure date. Nothing puts a knife in you faster than to hear these words, "It's in print".

So what happens when two independent sources produce the same effect, same method, etc. Do the two parties say, "Hey kool, congrats. Great minds think alike"? Not usually. It's more like "This was mine first! I'm gonna rip off yer head and..." You get the idea. As magicians, we are taught that our power lies in our secrets. Once those are gone we have nothing. When someone impedes upon this frayed touchy nerve, we go all guano on people. Some people do blatantly steal another person's ideas and get more notoriety for it. It happens (Now you know how Bruce Springstein felt about Roamer in the Dark).

Putting something in print however does not give anyone carte blanche to go all crazy ex-girlfriend on someone. If another magician comes up with something removed from your idea, there isn't much you can do about it. (Aside from getting a cadre of ass clowns on a message board somewhere to flame said perpetrator.) They say if you want to hide something, put it in print. Technically once it's published it's yours. Can't really prove it tho' as a card trick in a court of law will only cause them to laugh at you. Afterwards they'll sentence you to hanging by a noose made from a rice silk for wasting their time... but I digress.

Personally I think it's getting out of hand in some ways. There are fanatics in every religious cult, (You heard me. Look it up), and magic has no shortage of asshattery when it comes to ownership. Don't get me wrong. I think it's good to know where SOME things come from. Triumph is Vernon's. Gotcha. Healed and Sealed is Anders Moden's (that he foolishly let be performed on TV by the Asshat). Right on. We all know it. Does that mean we can't perform it if we don't buy the books or instructions they appeared in? That depends on your morals or lack thereof. (The same could be said for downloading torrents of magic videos and whatnot as well.) Where do we draw the line? Should I start berating people for not giving credit to who created the double lift or biddle grip in their videos or print? NO. That would be silly and I'm NEVER silly.

So it all boils down to which side of the line do you stand on? The uptight fanatic brigade who has nothing better to do than catalog everything in magic... or the sane free thinking world where real people don't care and if you don't want people doing your stuff don't put it in freeking PRINT!!! What's more important to you? Artistic integrity or recognition for your *koff* genius. Everything in moderation kids...

Including moderation.


Monday, December 10, 2007

Rant in WTF minor

And now I present one of the two rats you will probably never see, as this one was the fourth. It might get published next issue of SM but what do I know. They weren't paying for my opinions so everyone gets them for free.

Why am I stuck In Magician Hell? #4
Written by: Bizzaro. The Optical Illusionist
"A Mass Debate"

I once told another magician my philosophy on performing as a magician. "I don't care if they figure it out as long as they have a good time." To which he replied, "Why bother then?" After fighting off the urge to smack him it got me thinking... What exactly IS the point? Well that is today's expose'. (Kinda like when dateline goes after child molesters... except with more card tricks and no hope of anyone getting laid.)

Magic vs. Entertainment.. round one, FIGHT! Some performers go for a more low tech, high effect kind of magic. Sure you can look at it and see how it was or could be done, but you don't care because it's fun and entertaining. There is nothing wrong with this kind of magic... unless you ask the overly serious magi. They think trying to put the focus on entertainment and not magic (ie: fooling someone) is wrong. Like Rosanne Bar in a two piece wrong. In my opinion, those guys need to be beaten to death and then fed to the uptight bastahds at the Magic Castle.

They say not caring if someone figures it out as long as they are amused is a cheap cop out. I say they can take a flying leap. Most magic guys are just talking heads with no personality or fashion sense. You could swap most magicians heads onto other bodies and no one would notice. It's sad kids. Really.

Alright, so you say what's wrong with wanting to fool people and, as Paul Harris says, create astonishment. (Dirty hippie) You want to be revered as a god? Not content merely being one of the unwashed masses? Nay! You want all of the power and prestige that comes with being a guy with deck of cards and a soda can with a coin in it can afford. Explain this to me... what do you do if someone sees thru your smoke and mirrors? What then. What do you have to fall back on? That's right. NOTHING!! You know why? Cuz' you can't buy personality online you little weasels!! No one carries it. Can't be bootlegged or fabricated. Face it. Yer screwed!!

A lot of magicians think you HAVE to fool people. Problem is you can't fool everyone all of the time. Some can see right thru that little ruse of yours. Here is a way to protect yourself from such an occurrence. It's very easy. If they say "I saw how you did that" look them dead in the eye and with a smile on your face say, "Blow me." (Or an equivalent thereof) If you don't care, they won't care either. Some people love to bust magicians. They were probably home schooled. Those people have problems. Regardless, if your focus is more on amusement and not one of, "I'm goooona FOOL Yooooooo suuuckah!!", then they will like and remember YOU. I know it's a weird concept for someone to like you for who you are not what you can do. Try it. You'll find it works out well and your title as a magician will actually mean something finally. Let's face it, as a form of entertainment we rest somewhere below jugglers and right above some mimes.

I'm not saying don't practice. For gawd's sake PRACTICE. Practice yer little ass off. Make the magic you do as good as you can. Just remember, people are more interested in people than crappy card tricks. It's ok to be a human being and a magician. It's possible.... possibly not for you but...
Take a gander at the money makers in entertainment. They're making people laugh and think. They're not able to do a flawless tabled faro no... but who the hell cares!! A double backed card and a funny sticker makes for a better trick than ALL of the sleight of hand in the world. Trust me on this.

So Entertain or amaze; that is the question. Is it possible to do both? F*&K yah it is. First, don't be an ass-clown when you perform. If people think yer above them they will not be on yer side when you screw up. Enjoy what you're doing and others will too. Don't listen to anyone who sez' you HAVE to fool people ALL the time. (Especially If they sound like a car salesman when they perform) If they couldn't entertain a thought, let alone a crowd, do yourself and the rest of us a favor. Kill them....

In the face.


A dollar short...

Here is Rant Numbah THREE!!!

Why am I stuck In Magician Hell? #3
Written by: Bizzaro. The Optical Illusionist
"Oooh shiny!!"

What do you magicians and blondes have in common? They are easily distracted by shiny things. If it's new, hip, fresh, and all of them other yuppie-like words, then many magician hobbyists flock to it like a murder of crows. (Better than a flock of seagulls... same bad haircuts tho'.)

While working at some local magic stores, I have seen some of the most useless and overpriced crap being released into the magic world. Much like that retarded cousin your aunt keeps chained up in the basement, it was hard to get rid of and we usually kept it out of sight. Anyone remember Silver Shifter? In my opinion, it was 100% crap. 50$ for something that you could just as easily perform if you had any modicum of skill. As magicians, we release new magic into the world that is the newest sensation for a few months, capitalize on the ignorance of the teenage youth, and then regroup for our next onslaught. (I'm looking at YOU Jay Sankey and Henry Evans).

The internet is a breeding ground for misleading demos and flashy editing. In todays world the new stuff has NOT been audience tested for long enough. it just looks good on camera and that's all that matters. I personally never buy ANYTHING without seeing it performed first. Once bitten, twice pissed off. In a brick and mortar shop you know yer getting an honest fib. Camera's lie. Any person with a home computer, two brain cells, and no morals can make even a plastic bag and deck of cards look good. (And then charge you out the wazoo for it.)

On the upside we have online forums to get honest and un-biased opinions about the good, the bad, and the garbage. That is, if your definition of un-biased is a buncha kids and middle aged bachelors bickering at one another about who has the right to perform this and who came up with that. Used to be you had to go to a local magic shop or club meeting to get that kind of interaction. Now anonymity has made people brave and lazy. You know who you are.

Magicians create new effects and moves to fool OTHER magicians. How many new sleights are we bombarded by daily on magic sites that allow video uploading? Sometimes a gem comes along and it's all the rage. Anyone remember the Revolution Vanish? Looks great.. unless you like to dress nice or happen to be a skirt wearer. (Think of all those angry kilt wearing magicians). Then yer screwed and out a good chunk of change you could have saved for something important, like food... or a lap dance. If your personality and character is strong enough, you won't need the latest greatest fooler dooler. Real people in the world don't care how you do it as long as you CAN do it and do it well. Of course most of you would know nothing about that would you? Yer too busy kissing Daniel Garcia's ass for his products. Unplug from the intarweb, get out of the house, and go perform for some real people.

In the olden days you had to find the originator of a new move or prove you had some assemblance of skill to get taught the latest and greatest effects. Sure people sold their secrets and tricks in books and magic shops, but your worth as a performer was not judged solely on your parent's credit card number. We have become a soft capitalist group of consumers. A giant mass of un-informed sheep who would rather buy their art than create it themselves. It makes me want to line each of you up, get a running start, and slap each and every one of you in succession. Twice. Sure I sound bitter and perhaps a bit jaded...and I am. I know bitching about it isn't gonna change anything on a grand scale. However if I can open just ONE person's eyes... If I could get some of you to take the red pill and see what's in front of you, then this will not be a wasted effort. Don't be fooled by slick editing. Don't let the flashing lights and promises of greatness distract you. Learn to see through the BS, and you too can become a better magician. For those of you who choose to remain blind... I have my smackin' hand all warmed up.

Time to fall in line... which one are you gonna stand in?


(Stay tuned for another tomorrow in the evening and then the last one on the 11th with our anniversary contest!)

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Rant Two... a day late. Looks like a trend.

Performed tonight with Eric Buss. Very funny and had some great magic. Regardless, here is Rant Two. More tomorrow.

Why am I stuck In Magician Hell? #2
Written by: Bizzaro. The Optical Illusionist
"Original Sin"

Welcome back. Since our last article caused a bit of stir, we decided to not only rock the boat but tip it over as well. Hope you can swim.

Some magicians will tell you there is nothing new out there. Everything is derivative. That MIGHT be true to a degree. There are those out there creating new magical ideas using pre-existing principles true.. but not so much magic principles, but science. There is a famous quote that crops up from time to time. It states, "Any Sufficiently Advanced Technology Is Indistinguishable From Magic". Take for instance Sylvester the Jester. He has created magic effects unlike anything done before using science and technology. The tools existed but not for their use in the medium of magic. If you want to nit pick that apart, fine. Regardless, in an art where you would figure there would be more open minded, unique individuals... there isn't. Why?

First off it's not the 80's anymore kids. We’re not encouraged to stand out from the crowd. (That and people aren't hopped up on cocaine like they once were.) The media and government has done a good job of SUCKING the imagination out of the general public just like that ugly girl you took to the prom. Look around at the crappy reality TV and inane contests as to what some TV exec thinks is talent and character. We are being spoon fed bland entertainment and we're taking it with no lube or reach around. We live in an instant gratification society, where any information that pre-exists is at our fingertips. From the internet to DVD's, we want it, we can get it. It's easier to steal than create isn't it? We no longer have to sit alone with our thoughts or read a book and interpret it for ourselves. Once somebody gets a good idea EVERYBODY wants one. It's capitalism kids. Money can't buy happiness, but it can sure create the illusion.

Any of this sound familiar to you? Many years ago the now MIA performer Rudy Coby released a set of lecture notes at a TAOM convention. No tricks were to be taught. It was about building character and creating unique magic. Now aside from the fact he has been accused of stealing other people's ideas over the years, many of his points were true to form. Put down those damn linking rings, use your fancy spun aluminum cups for the dinner table. Instead surround yourself with unique props and things YOU enjoy. Of course if you enjoy hip hop music and wearing your pants at your knees, you might just need something more... like a beating.

The problem with you kids today is.. GET OUT OF MY BEANS!!! Oh sorry. Woodstock flashback. The problem is no one wants to stand out anymore. They want to walk single file in a line holding their decks in their hands. They sit at home with their webcams and Tally Ho viper decks wanking off on their newest variation on a four ace assembly or some fancy flourish. Guess what? You make baby jeebus cry. We don't NEED another damned shadow coins or Matrix. If you are not Armando Lucero or Keeanu Reeves, then you have no reason to do the Matrix ever again, period.

I see people bitching left and right constantly online about someone stole this, someone did this before this person. I know magic is important to you. It's important to me as well, but get over yourselves. You get yourself mired down in the politics of the narrow minded fools you associate with, your magic will suffer. Want to be original? Don't listen to ANYBODY who is an amateur in the field. If they knew what they were talking about, they would be doing it instead of telling you how. No matter how dumb someone thinks an idea is, do it anyway. The only way to stand out in this world is to throw caution to the wind and tazer anyone who gets in your way. Find someone whose opinions and style you respect and get their take. Observe other performers who are professionals in their field. Dancers, comedians, puppeteers, etc. Magicians for the most part are close minded idiots who are about as helpful as a weed-wacker to the face. By wallowing in the depravity of un-originality you will not only suffer but so will magic.

So that was supposed to be the end of the article. Then the folks at street magic mag said "Hey do us 200 more words" and I said "Sure". Not knowing what to talk about I decided to write this little bit to eat up about forty two of those 200 words. In other news, I recently emailed Mac King about originality and what he thought about how it's appreciated in today's world. I don't know him personally or anything like that. It was on Myspace. (Where most of you hack bastards like to try and friend me without saying hi first like it says on my profile!!) That's not important tho'. His reply was. "If you have something to offer, people will pay attention". Now while I agree with this wholeheartedly, being TOO original can bite you right in the ass. You have to find a median somewhere... or an audience that will support you like rabid weasels. In todays world of mediocrity tho', finding an original magician with a large fan base NOT on TV is like trying to herd cats... nearly impossible.

Look at The Beatles. These guys wanted to make music for themselves and set it about it their own way. Fame followed. Take their lead and follow your own road.

Sometimes doing the right thing means you do it by yourself.


Friday, December 07, 2007

As promised...

Here it is the 6th (Shhhh I won't tell if you don't) and now for the little surprise I promised.

As some of you know, I was writing for Street Magic Magazine for about three issues. (Which equals 6 months. Math is hard.) I never actually saw one of the issues until number 3 and I was shocked to find that they were editing my rants and adding stuff to them I didn't say or wouldn't say in that particular form. So far a lot of people have been surprised that my ramblings had valid points. I suspect I was dropped from the latest issue (As they have not contacted me in ANY way) is because I wasn't doing what they wanted my writing to do... and that's piss people off. Apparently people just couldn't argue with what I was talking about.

Yes kids, my writing like a raving magical Hunter S. Thompson was intentional. (or Spider Jerusalem if yer hip like that) However since they changed my stuff, (Which is funny cuz' at the very top, it said it was un-edited. I found spelling mistakes in the stuff that THEY added. Go fig.), over the next 5 days I am going to post, one a day, of my orignal rants in their orignal widescreen format. These have not been modified to fit your TV, nor will they cater to your delicate sensibilities and there are NO special features. Just think of these like those 5$ DVD's you find at Wal-mart. The price you love, with nothing extra thrown in.

Why am I stuck In Magician Hell? #1
Written by: Bizzaro. The Optical Illusionist
"The true meaning of street magic - yes Virginia, there is an Asshat."

Greetings and Salavations bottom-feeders. Some of you are familiar with me either thru the internet and my online rant journal or have seen me perform. Perhaps a video or even live. I will never win a magic competition cuz' I refuse to traumatize avian life or wear rented formal wear. Doubtful you will see me in any OTHER magic magazines or magic conventions anytime soon. I'm what some have referred to as a rebel. The Gomez Addams of magic if you will. With over two decades in this business, more than half professionally, I have seen a good deal of great and terrible things. However this isn't about me. It's about you.. and if you are willing to listen to what i have to say here every month. I'll let you in on what this column is gonna be about. First it's not gonna kowtow to ANYONE or ANYTHING. Anything except my opinions. As you may have heard, opinions are like.. well you know.. everyone has one. I'm entitled to mine as you are yours. I'm not trying to piss off anyone.. but guaranteed I am going to do it. It's what I do. Now that we have all of the formalities out of the way, let's begin...

I am not going to sugar coat what I say. I will not take your feelings into consideration. I am going to lift up the shiny pyrite rock that is the magic community. I'm going to point out the seamy underbelly of what many people, not ingrained with magic's inner workings, think is a shiny little coin they might find in the street. Like some coins tho' this denomination has two faces. (like other denominations I will not mention here) On one side we have the professionals. People who make a good living at this by elevating magic to what some might call an artform. On the other side we have the armchair magus. You know the kind. Your Uncle Bob, the guy at your office, the local bartender, that fat annoying kid at school... YOU! Fully willing to dish out their "life experience" in an online forum. Of course the only thing making them an authority is they do birthday parties on their days off from their mundane normal jobs. Ah but if that were the only inhabitants on this flip-side. You also have the susceptible teenagers and pre-teens bombarded by modern TV specials with people who want you to believe they are a god. Sit down and prepare yourself. This is where our first rant will begin.

First I do want to preface this with that henceforth all references to David Blaine in all of my writing will be as "The Asshat". Deal with it.

Many of you are probably too young to remember magic on TV before the late 90's. From the 60's to mid 90's there was a glorious variety of stage magic on TV. Elegant and weird spectacles of all types were brought to you in broadcast colors every few months. From Coppi the sex wizard to The World's Greatest Magic, there was much to see. Even the close-up magicians were larger than life on grand sets and pretty lights. Then in 1998, that era was murdered and it's frail corpse raped right in front of a cadre of choir boys. The Asshat changed it all. Now we have... street magic.

Don't get me wrong. I like street magic... when performed as street theatre. (A term most true street performers prefer) Street magic is NOT walking up to total strangers with a deck of cards looking like an unemployed mental patient. At that point it's street hostage theater. Very difficult to make money doing that (For tips anyway). You want to see REAL street magic, get off the internet and go somewhere like San Francisco or New Orleans (Well maybe not so much anymore) or even parts of New York. Educate yourself before you place that Ellusionist order for their next overpriced DVD. Street magic has existed well before you or anyone else was on TV. Before even most of today's modern religious beliefs as well. Hell a lot of religions have been started by no less than a dove pan. (Isn't that how that Waco thing started?)

ANYONE who tries to sell you a magic product by using fad buzzwords like "Street", "Extreme", or "Tiger Deck" should be beaten to death with their own arm. The good one too. Not the one they hold their crotch with while doing their variation of the cobra cut. Nope you gotta get to the root of the problem. Go after the important appendage. Their spendin' hand. The one that causes them to purchase these overpriced DVD's or one trick ponies that flood the market everyday. Those little fingers, that by every click of the button, keep these soulless leaches in business. This isn't a new thing either. The same problem has existed since the magic catalog was invented. You know, those archaic drawings, the text promising you miracles, and radiating lines shooting from their huge heads? In today's world however, web-space has been traded for paper. HTML for print.Today it's all flashy editing, annoying rock or emo music, and your dumb ass willing to keep contributing to this barrage of cheap products released by people who have more money than morals.

Don't like someone calling you stupid do you? Well if you believe everything you see on TV or read on the internet without doing your homework, then you are. Just cuz' mommy and daddy don't hug you, no one understands you, and you have a ghost deck doesn't mean the world or ANYONE you harass on the street owes you ANYTHING. No one on TV is your friend. They don't understand you and if you happen to be a cripple or dying, they are helping you cuz' that's good PR. Just thought I would throw that out there.

It is true that here in the USA we are not encouraged or rewarded for showing creativity or original thought. Not like in Europe anyway. Street magic is a respected art form over in places like France. So much so, that if you are a citizen you only work three months of the year and they foot the bill the rest of the year to work and practice your art. A grant for being an individual if you will. Even Canada has largely attended busker festivals. You try to go there with your little stigmata tricks or king rising, you will come home wiser and poorer for you wasted efforts.

Magic has lost it's flair and style in the US. No panache. Oh sure, you are saying to yourself, "But I make people smile, I can read minds, I have had people cuss at me and call me the devil. I'm good!" Guess what? Anyone with twenty bucks, a self working deck of cards, and mental midgets as a crowd can do that. Want to impress me and do street magic the right way, put together a 20-30 minute show that will hold people's attention. Make it fun, engaging, and amazing. Not only will you be a better performer than 95% of the idiots that try to "represent" on those message boards you hang out on, but you will never have to work a real job EVER again. I know guys who do 3-4 shows a day and can pull down a grand easily. Can you say that about going out in plain clothes and putting a hole in your forehead with the sun? Do the world a favor and do that with a bullet instead. If you perform that in front of a crowd on the street, you'll be remembered forever guaranteed.

So what about those of you who just like to contribute to magic and only do it as a hobby? Good for you. Do you sell crappy products that look good on camera that you have only been doing for a week or so? Do you use words like "Street" and "Extreme" to sell your wares? If so, I will find you and I will beat you. You know with what too because we have already had this discussion earlier. I guess my point in all of this is: You can either part of the problem, or part of the solution to elevate magic beyond what it has become. I am reminded of a quote attributed to Dai Vernon. (if you don't know who that is, burn EVERY deck of cards you own and put your head thru your computer monitor NOW!) "If the best thing you can do for magic is get out of it, do so." I'm paraphrasing, but you get the idea.

I think that's all I have to say this time around. Are you mad yet? If so, good. Anger and disagreement make you think. Blind useless drivel you concur with does nothing but take up space on a page. You may now put back on your pants and go. Leave the KY here.

Was it good for you?


Tuesday, December 04, 2007

A thinly veiled plot....

Today we will take a look at some of the more popular plot lines in card magic and why, I feel, they are good.. and why they are also not so good.

The most popular right now is Torn and Restored card... so I'll leave that for last.

Let's talk about a classic underground idea known as Resets. Made popular by magi's such as Paul Harris and Paul Wilson. Ricochet to this day is still a well known reset ploy. Ryan Swigert's Kickback is also a nice effect. (And there is a gimmicked and un-gimmicked version. I prefer the un-gimmicked version as there is no need to do a card force.) Upsides: The effect confuses people no end Downside: It confuses them no end. Dai vernon said confusion is not magic (or he has been quoted as saying it anyway) The moment of magic happens SO fast that it's hard to call it magic. More like a hallucination. Don't get me wrong, I have my own version of the idea. Just be sure your personality can sell it.

It has been said that many magicians have a great 10 minute act. However it takes them 45 minutes to do it. This is how I feel about Ambitious Card sometimes. If you can make a card come to the top of the deck once, why not 857 more times? (I feel the same way about card manip and linking rings, but that's another post) Card goes in, card comes to the top. Rinse, repeat. Pros: Easy to do and has TONS of methods for accomplishing it. Cons: Everyone does it. Sadly not many do it differently.

Only gonna cover two more for now. One of them is Inversion. Card goes into the deck and reverses itself inside magically. Of course there is the vice-versa of that as well. Someone who has done some good work on this is Dennis Friebre and has a DVD coming out on it. I learned about the routine back in 2003, and use it now and again when I feel the need arises. The good parts about inversion plots are that they are simple to follow and hard to backtrack thru. Sadly, the basics of the effect are taught in just about every damn beginners magic book so be careful of smart-assed kids with big mouths.

Ok ok now I will deal with Torn and Restored card. Who here remembers when that tall limey did his version of World's Greatest Magic? It was the talk of the.. well.. not internet so much as magic community. (When you actually had to go to shops and meetings to gossip. Also kept people civil to each other for fear of recompense.) Before that of Course David Copperfield did Chris Kenner's version on TV with a Baseball Card. Then came Daniel Garcia and Torn. That sparked a powder keg of headless net kids doing their own versions. Since then, variations that almost rival shadow coins and matrix routines have cropped up all over the place. The good news: It's impressive to watch and hard to explain. The bad news: It's impressive... to a point. It's a magicians trick. Plain and simple. It seems to be a race to see who can stump everyone else, then sell off the routine the fastest. Back on the upside, there is so much to pick and choose from, you can find a version that fits your style or make up your own!

That's all from me for now. What did we learn? Did we learn anything at all? Does anyone really care what I think?

All this and more later!!


Monday, December 03, 2007

First and foremost do NOT use for your web hosting. I have had nothing but problems with them all this year and finally my site crashed and burned on their server. They have done NOTHING to keep me updated or happy. So until further notice, is on a bit of downtime BUT we have a temp page explaining the problem and a link to the next best thing... myspace.

We have new business. In a few weeks, we will be upon the anniversary of this journal. The five days leading up to that date (Dec. 11th) I will be posting something everyday specially for the readers of this thing. Check back on the 6th for the start of that.

Now on to old business. As some of you may know.. or not.. I have no idea who reads this thing. I have spoken many times of paying attention to the world around you if you want to create original unique magic to you and your character or personality. However, I realized I have never told you WHY. Probably because I never really thought about it. Well it recently hit me on the toilet. (As many things often do)

I realized I can actually visualize physics and mechanics in my head.. to a workable degree anyway. I don't mean mathematically either. I suck at math. 2+2=fish ok. I have just watched and toyed with enuff things that I can reasonably see how something should or could work in my melon. This in effect is why you should take notice of the world around you and look into how things work. Visualizing is not something that comes easy to many. For some it's VERY hard, but it's never impossible. We have a brain, and that brain is the best super-computer ever created. Some people just happen to have Photoshop in their brain as opposed to paint from Windows 3.0.

So with this new found knowledge, may you now go forth and perhaps be able to see magic in your head instead of just your mirror.

It's all in the mind...


Tuesday, November 27, 2007

This song goes out to all places green and silly...

(Click to see it bigger ooh baby)


Saturday, November 24, 2007

This just disgusts me...

I was looking on for shits and grins (What does that mean exactly?) and came across an ad for THIS:

We are looking to train a few select people to work full time as children's magicians, interactive dj's for both weddings, corporate events, and kids parties, balloon artists, facepainters, and airbrush artists.
You must have experience working with children between ages 2-10.
Be a quick learner, and highly artistic.
Be outgoing, high energy, have the ability to interact with kids.
Must be clean cut, attractive, and personable.
Know how to handle any situation with professionalism.

These people are going to TRAIN some off the street dumbass to perform magic. Just like those tourist trap magic stores. No experience necessary. Either two years in magic OR two years in sales. They think in a week they can make you a passable magician.

This crap is EXACTLY the reason why magic books are in the games and hobbies section of book stores. THIS is why magic has no respect anymore. THIS is why so many re-re's run rampant in the magic world and why the magic cafe has such a high member count. Let's look at this list of requirements shall we?

Quick learner? Clean Cut? Attractive!? PROFESSIONALISM!!? They're talking about MAGICIANS for fuck's sake!! Go to any, and I repeat... ANY of the magic boards online and you will see NONE of this by and large. Those who have these traits are already working and making real money.. the rest of you are giving the rest of us a bad name.

Yes yes I know there are other things in that list, but I am focusing on magician cuz' it's THERE. Lumped in with face-painters and balloon sculptors. (Which is insulting to those people as well I am sure... but screw them. I'm not one of them. They can get their own journal.)

Ok sure I am being a bit over the top here, (Not the arm wrestling kind either), but this is pretty ridiculous, wouldn't you agree? You know what I want for x-mas this year?

Less asshattery in magic.

Know what I am gonna get for x-mas?



* Not actual dick....

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

It takes 300 pictures to get one usuable one...

Or in this case who knows HOW many posts on a message board to get one with some thought behind it. This is cross posted from another forum where an essay calling out the importance of signing cards and ending clean in magical effects and my response.


Over the summer I performed magic as a pirate for the local six flags. I could not have the cards signed as markers and pens would have been EXTREMELY out of character. I still did the same magic I normally do (Card on floor, dollar transpo, etc) without the usual signatures. They got the same responses as normal.

People don't think in the same lines we do. They trust us (And those who don't have a reason not to). If your conviction is strong enuff, seldom will they question you. I have been doing card to wallet for I dunno how long now (Unsigned version). Showing it no longer in the deck and then in the wallet is enuff proof for them. I have a signed version I can do as well if necessary, but it hasn't presented itself thus far.

Michael Close had an essay in his workers series about how people don't take into account the amount of prep we as magicians are willing to put into something. They don't think we'd have three outs to a trick in our wallets (Thank you David Regal), they don't even KNOW double backed cards exist, and if you have a confederate with a duplicate card somewhere ready to go, well then forget about it.

I will admit, there are some effects I would NEVER do without a signature... however it adds to the performance. It's not just there for the sake of it's own magnificence.

People believe us because we tell them to. This is why magic works the way it does and also why people like the Asshat and Criss Fishing Rod are on TV still.

On ending clean, I have learned that, sometimes, it's just not necessary. We have a habit of trying to get our hands empty ASAP if we hold out at the end. A good example of this is Perkins' In Your Face Change. I have been doing it for people and it has such a STRONG slap in the face impact, that they can't reconstruct backwards cuz' their brain shut down on them. If your magic can be that strong (Not confusing. "Confusion isn't magic" - Dai Vernon) then you can hold out as long as you want and clean up later down the road.

It's all relative... so ask yer relatives this Holiday season.


Monday, November 19, 2007

Someone once railed me in a review for an effect I used to sell on my website (MY WEBSITE. Not in the mass market) that it would be better suited in lecture notes and not as a stand alone trick. I understood that sentiment BUT the same could be said for 90% of magic that is produced nowadays.

With desktop publishing and file sharing ANYONE can have a slick looking product with minimal effort. It scares me to think what the future holds.

Speaking of the future, we are coming up soon upon an anniversary soon. I'll give you a hint. It's in December, involves green, and a lot of people don't like it. If you said Christmas or the birth of jeebus YER WRONG!!!!!

This journal was started 4 years ago this Dec. 11th. What does that mean to you? Not a damn thing to the like.. FIVE of you who read this. What does it mean to me? I have been rambling about the same shit for 4 years. Eventually I am gonna run out of things to complain about and start repeating myself. We don't want THAT now do we? I didn't think so.

So with that in mind, at some point this place will close up shop. Not anytime soon I am sure. Regardless, after a while, something like this is like masturbating with a cheese grater: Amusing at first, but ultimately painful... not just for you but for others around you.

But hey, that doesn't mean we can't have some fun!! In the four years of doing this, I have random contests and stuff and this year is no different. On Dec. 11th there will be a contest for the MUTHERLODE!! It'll be easy too. Minimal effort on your part. (Which from what I have seen is what you people seem to like)

Keep looking to the skies...


"Criss use to be such a pretty girl"

At first I was like naaaah.. and then I was like.. yaaaaah.

What the hell happened? From 80's hair metal to.. um.. emo I guess... not sure what the hell he's doing now. I can see it all clearly. In the 80's he blew his mind out with drugs and groupies (Like everyone else with that kind of taste in clothes and music) and now he a bitter jaded old rocker. (For those who don't know he is over 40)

This explains soooooooo much.


Saturday, November 17, 2007

A forum of NON magicians who dislike Criss Fishing Rod.



Clothes make the....

I was on the phone earlier this evening with Brett Loudermilk (yes that is his real name) and we briefly came upon the discussion of clothing... mainly brought upon by his suit...

It was given to him by Todd Robbins. (To which I jokingly said, "And I thought he LIKED you.")

Regardless, I have touched on the idea of costuming on here before. (And if you remember that far back, yer a better person than I) We discussed how Robert Houdin decided to go against the norm of dressing like chinese guys and wizards and wear the typical fare of the times... which was formal wear. Tails, coat, dickie, etc. He went against the grain to stand out. Here it is, who knows how many years later, and magicians are STILL dressing like that.

Then came The Asshat who realized that most magic was populated by so many fashion victims and decided to stand out (Or maybe he just LIKES to shop at good will. Whatever.) In magic, the phrase - "Imitation is the sincerest form of yada yada" has a firm stranglehold in the minds and hearts of so many. It works for them and they appear to be cool cuz' they are on TV. If I dress like them, maybe I can get lucky. (Of course by lucky, they mean not beat up in school. Getting girls for a magician goes beyond luck and right into the realm of MIRACLES.)

Remember, we are performers. We are given the public leeway to be eccentric. That means the way we act AND dress. So feel free to stand out a bit and wear something that gets you noticed. It's part of our jobs to be a bit different.Just stay away from clown costumes.

They have a bad enuff rap as it is.


Monday, November 05, 2007


This weekend was the sideshow gathering. A GREAT time had by all. While I was there a performer by the name of Dr. Wilson performed the cups and balls. Now I am not a huge fan of this effect. Seen it done one too many times the same way. I personally cannot STAND to see the version where someone puts the ball in their "pocket" and then it "jumps back". No one EVER shows their pockets empty afterwards.

For one, Dr. Wilson did not do this. Score one point. Secondly he did something that makes PERFECT sense as a performer. He commanded the balls to perform. When causing the ball to go from the middle of the stack to the bottom, he would point his wand (Magic kind. Get yer mind out of the gutter.. it's in my way) at the cups and exclaim, "Penetrate!" To collect them under one cup he uttered the command, "Assemble!". The balls followed suit.

This idea brings the image of a powerful sorcerer to the forefront of his character. He commands magic, and thy will is done. This approach won't work for everybody.. or more likely anyone but him, but the idea behind it can.

Too many times I have seen performers get eaten alive by a crowd because they did not take charge or have proper audience management. They have to know YOU are the one THEY listen to and if they get out of line, it could be curtains for them.. and not the nice kind either. I'm talking about some gaudy 60's print. You must be in command and that only comes from confidence in yourself and your material. Believe in yourself and others will follow. It's all about conviction...

Just ask anyone in prison.


Thursday, November 01, 2007

Do they know who you are?

For that fact do YOU know who you are?

I have stated before that some of the most popular people can be recognized by their silhouette. However, what makes them famous? There's a thread at Theory 11 about "reputation" right now and I felt compelled to chime in with this:

"My "street cred" tends to be known more for my personality and style of magic which I personally feel is better than being "that guy with the cards"

Name recognition. That's where it's at."

I stand by that whole-heartedly too. Anybody can do magic (almost), but not everyone can stand out. Instead of working on the next big thing with a plastic bag, why not focus on your own ideas... or personality.

To quote Rudy Coby, "They can't steal your personality. They will look like fools for trying." (Paraphrased as I dun have his notes in front of me) Besides, why use someone ELSE'S magic to make YOUR reputation. That's like a band doing other people's songs to get famous. (Sorry Me First and the Gimmie-Gimmies)

Don't get me wrong, there are classics and plots that you can make your own very easily in the eyes of normal people. Magicians judge too harshly, but if you want to have a reputation, it's best they recognize YOU, not your Guardians Deck. Anyone can buy a prop....

Only an artist can bring it to life.


Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Yer on candid camera...

This weekend we did a show in Austin at the Maker Faire. Imagine a craft faire with flame-throwers, trebuchets, and robots and you'll have a very vague idea of what it was about. Recorded a few of the shows just to see how they were going. One of them was rough to say the least. This brings up the point in my brain on the importance of research.

I have no qualms about asking someone after a show what they liked or didn't like, or if they saw something they shouldn't have or that might have seemed off. I also have roadies and friends who know the show and can tell me what was bad that I might have missed. Flashing something I might not have caught. A fake hand falling off a prop.. yah I got that one thanx.

Regardless, a lot of magicians wax poetical about the use of video cameras to practice. While I agree on that to a degree I HIGHLY recommend the use of them for reviewing your shows. To see what doesn't look as good as you thought or perhaps check some angles. It's an eye opening experience to watch yourself on video. You suddenly become the worst critic you will ever have. A lot of people fear video reviews because they tell you the truth. A lot of people can't handle the truth. Just look at Jack Nicholson and Tom Cruise.

You have to be un-biased when you watch yourself. If you are not you will not want to FIX what is wrong to make it WORK. You might just scrap an idea altogether... which is NEVER a step forward. More like 12 steps back. Sometimes it is easier to just turn off the volume and watch. It actually helps you ignore the patter and music and focus on your movement and blocking and body language.

So in closing I want to say, don't be too harsh on yourself when you see what you do. Look on the bright side...

at least yer not being investigated by the FBI.


PS: For the next two weeks I will be on the road doing a small sideshow tour with the Crispy Family Sideshow. My sideshow blog will see some updates because of it. Stay tuned.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

I should be in bed...

Tho' I dunno why. I don't have to get up early for school or a job. Man I love this business. Speaking of which, go check out my schedule. I might be doing a show in yer town very very soon. That's not why I am here tho'. What with it being October and all I suppose I should take some time from my busy schedule to regale you with some witty musings and advice. So take off that mask and let me fill yer head with razor filled confections.

There is a Lot of psychology in magic. Really. There is a why it works that goes hand in hand with the how it works. Magic can prey upon many different psychological feelings as well. Happiness, excitement, confusion, and even fear. It's only thru constant study and paying the hell attention can you begin to understand.. but you also have to WANT to. My advice.. start in October.

Go to work at a haunted house. Really. Especially you youngsters out there. Hiding in a deep dark corner or behind a fake wall can you give a DEEP insight into the psyche of the human condition and how to manipulate it. It lets you peer inside that part of people that makes them WANT to be fooled and scared. In a haunted house there is a dynamic happening. There are the people who KNOW they are going to be scared and WANT to be scared... and the people who WANT to scare them. It's all about giving them what they want.. but on your terms.

The thought of putting on a sweaty mask someone else might have worn before you like crappy bowling shoes might not appeal to your finer senses... but the act of making someone so scared they lose all control of their faculties might. As magicians we prey upon what people don't know is lurking. True we are going for a different reaction, but that reaction is TRUE and REAL... as is fear. You want a glimpse into it, you go where the money is... and where there are willing participants.

It's all about setting the right mood. Not only with what's around.. but with costumes and make-up and story. People like what they know... and they know they can... and WILL be scared. Everyone is different. Some jump at loud noises. Some only freak out when a person bleeding from the eyes is in front of them. Sometimes it's a combination and sometimes, it's none of these. It's our jobs as performers to bring out the best reaction we can. No matter what the situation.

A haunt is good hunting grounds.


Wednesday, October 10, 2007

So I have been having a minor discussion with one of the folks at Theory 11 about Ambitious Card ideas. As stated in the thread there, I have recently been toying with the idea of doing a three to four phase ACR (Ambitous Card Routine... or American College of Radiology.. or RCA if yer dyslexic) without the use of a multiple lift. (Mind you this kind of kills using tilt.. but I don't use it anyway. It's un-natural as hell. It gives me the opportunity to test out new moves or new ideas to see if they will work. So far they have. It's all about conviction... and I've only been acquitted.

Moving on, someone on the forum misunderstood what I was going for and thought I was making DL's (Double Lifts... do I really have to spell this crap out for you?) out to be wrong to use for an ACR. I was merely making the suggestion to challenge themselves a bit by experimenting and seeing what they could come up with sans Multiple Lifts. Only by stepping out of your comfort zone can you grow as a performer and person. It was here that it struck me as to why we take the easy way out... cuz' it's.. um.. the easy way... of you get the idea.

Why do something that takes more work when you can do it easy and quickly? Well that depends on your level of devotion to your art I think. As magicians we tend to create moves to fool other magicians but also stuff to keep us amused and that might make more sense to us. You can go thru life doing totally gaffed magic that requires nothing more than a good presentation because it's easy... or you can delve into the more advanced stuff. There is no right or wrong answer to this quandary. It merely depends on your devotion and conviction.

If life was easy, would it take so long?


Tuesday, October 09, 2007

It's aboot exposure...

So expose yourself as much as possible. No.. wait.

With the internet explosion of mediums such as Myspace and Youtube, magic has seen a weird flux in exposure. (Some good, some bad) Never has it been so easy to see, and possibly figure out, some of your fave magic tricks.

Mind you with technology in the palm of your hand, it was only a matter of time that you can download your magic almost INSTANTLY!! It makes it easier to get quantity (And on the rare occasion, quality) at the touch of a button or three. Magicians, who some people may have never heard of because they are not on the hip new sites or putting out video after video, are getting a new breath of life... even the dead ones.

So with that in mind, we here at Fire Cat Studios offer to you, our adoring masses, a free gift!! For those who purchased Helter Shelter: The Movie (And even for those who didn't) We are offering a tutorial of the Sliced and Restored Newspaper (as seen in this video) for your unyielding support in our products. You can view all the juicy details Here.

It's all about the Pentiums baby.


Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Are you being chaste?

It's 6pm, do you know where your thumbs are? This Guy sure does. Which bring sup an amusing thought.... who really needs love like that?

Don't get me wrong, I salute the effort. I remember when Hottrix did the same thing. Hell I'd like to have one just because it would look amusing sitting in my silverware drawer. However, for magic, it's not necessary. Much like Cosmo preys upon the inadequacies of young females, products like this hunt the young and uninitiated.

Anyone who has ever handled a TT for the first time knows the feeling. Might as well have the thing painted bright green fluorescent right? Everyone can see it and you know it. ERN!!! WRONG! Try this in the mirror. Make a fist and cover the opening with a silk. Shove in the tip and then push the silk bits into the opening. (Effectively creating a big colored thumb) Now try to hide it. See how easy it is to do so. Then fool someone with it. You too will become a TRUE believer.

Ok, so I got a bit off track here. My point is "realistic" thumbtips are not necessary except for the novelty of it all. So if you are considering buying this, do so only if you plan to do a joke about lepers.

Save your money and buy a clue instead.


Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Oh man that's 144!!

Explain to me how it is that a unit of measurement became a description of how icky something is?

Regardless, we're back once more to give the guys on itricks something to talk about. There is a saying in magic, "If you find something that works for you, buy a fuckton of it.". Ok I am paraphrasing there a bit, but it's true. In magic, you will find some bit or bauble that works for your show or performing style and then it will break and they won't make them anymore.

It happens to all of us. Some great effects have faded into obscurity because of it. You find something that fits your show or personality. The it falls out of your bag somewhere after a show and BAM!! You're screwed...

And not in that nice, "leave the money on the dresser and get out" kinda way.


Thursday, September 20, 2007

I am all for performing and the use of sharpie markers. However, when all you do is attach something to a pull and then say you "created" it, that kinda irks me. Attaching a reel, rubber band, or elastic to a common everyday object does not make it a creation nor a new idea. Now attach it to a hamster and have it turn to butterflies.. THAT'S an original sin.

This is, again, the problem wit the new generation of magic. They don't need books anymore cuz' of the internet, which tends to omit details such as history and ethics.

I think I am going to start the "Headless Magician" series. That's what magic seems to have become. Guys with no head.. which is no big deal as most have interchangeable noggins anyway. With the lack of personality and unique presentation, you merely become that "person what does stuff with cards."

Just like every one else.


Tuesday, September 18, 2007

We are truly living in a renaissance. As much as a bitch about the saturation of street magic and the loss of our beloved stage craft, I will admit that the lean towards the odd and illusions on the cheap make October a more worthwhile time for us all. Magic has seen a great influx of spooky creepy craziness in the last few years. Let's take a little look shall we?

In the stage category we have pretty much ALL of Andrew Mayne's stuff. Gut Buster, Bisection, Pocket sawing in half, and a handful of many others. Of course there is always the old standbys like needle thru arm, arm choppers, and the ever versatile Razor blade illusion.

Close-up wise we have some lovely little things to consider. Flesh wound (You carve a little piece of yourself up and heal it), SAW (Embedding a string thru yer neck. Great for those of us who don't have enuff skin to do needle thru arm), and even the over-priced one where you cut off yer fingertip with a knife. (Can't recall the name) One such tis the season kinda item of note is the new Go Eat Worms by Dan Sperry. A transformation of gummy worms to real worms in your spectator's hands. Great for those annoying kids in the power rangers costumes.

So you have no excuse to get out there this season and make some magic happen. You could have your very won show for a very low price if you act now!!

Or you could just sit at home and hand out candy to kids who could care less for your double lift. Yer call.

It's the great pumpkin Charlie Brown.


Saturday, September 15, 2007

The smell of De-feet

Ah the sweet stench of success. In This Case, it's a magic demo video. First off, I don't get the products name in relation to the effect. Must be a limey thing. Secondly, the video edits out VERY important details. At least Richard Sanders had the Canadian bacon bits to do a full take of his Interlace effect.

So, being the magical demo video watchdog I am, I say for shame. I also say for shame as I have been doing this same effect for years and don't have to go to my pockets to make the trick work.

Carl Cloutier is rolling over in his grave... even tho' he's not dead.

He's prolly just rolling over in his bed.


Tuesday, September 11, 2007


Over on the Theory 11 boards, (where I do tend to lurk, offering up my own twisted nuggets of wisdom to the youngins'), someone asked who people's influences were.

Now no offense to some of the names that popped up, but to the kids who list their influences as Daniel Garcia and The Asshat.. they need to severely look into their history.

Their site does an interesting thing right now. Every Sunday, they open up the floor for debate with a subject they have let you think about for the week previous. I am ALL for philosophical musings and heated debate in magic. The worts part about it? I couldn't get there in time to add my thoughts before it got locked up. I guess it's a good thing I have this journal here now isn't it?

Their first post was, "What is wrong with magic today?" (I refuse to comment on the irony of this topic on a website like Theory 11) Now I didn't sift thru all of the ramblings of the learned magis, some of whom are in the age range of some of my t-shirts, but as far as I got, I never saw anyone mention one of my gripes.

I feel one of magic's greatest succubi is the... wait is succubi even a word? Screw it. It is now... anyway... it's that magic, along with much of the rest of the world we live in, has become terribly jaded by capitalism. Now don't get me wrong, commerce has to exist in some form or another in this world for it to function. Problem is we live in an instant gratification society (As I have mentioned nth times on here) and we can get what we want when we want it.. for a price usually. Magic is no different my friends.

Books, videos, and effects previously created a week and a half ago on a webcam... all for one low price.. of your integrity and resolve.

Going back to the previous topic of influences. My list is fairly short and some might say unconventional (But not surprising if you have seen my show). The likes of Penn and Teller, Rudy Coby, Amazing Johnathan, and Sylvester the Jester have made my ideas of magic distort and twist over the years. They use magic as a tool to create art. Much like a painter uses a brush or a dancer uses their body, magicians have a choice to let their skills create an interesting, thought provoking, or challenging scenario... but they usually don't. They are content to buy the latest greatest shiny bauble and perform it like everyone else. Hell it's easy to get and requires no real original thought of your own. Why not take the easy path?

After doing some dabbling in the magical merchandise world, I can say that I do see how easy it could be to set aside your scruples and sell your mediocre magic wares and make a quick buck off the uninformed and naive. I also hate to say this, but that could very well be you.

And it probably is.


Monday, September 03, 2007

Silence is deafening...

As magicians we STRIVE for applause and recognition. What happens when we DON'T get a reaction? We question the material, the presentation, and ourselves.

If you KNOW for a FACT that it's not any of those there is only one other option: The effect is so strong, they don't know how to react. Gregory Wilson strives for this effect. He says it is better for them to be silent than applaud.

I thought about that for a while and realized he is right. The problem is we have a switch in our heads that flops from analytical to not-so analytical. If we are thinking we are not reacting. If we are reacting we are not thinking. This is why many magicians do moves on an off beat of a joke or a question. Multi-tasking in the mind is a skill unto itself.

So if you KNOW the material is strong enough to stand on it's own and they don't give you a standing O, don't fret. Just eat it up. Stand there and soak it up until the right moment. When that happens is up to you. Let's face it. If you just faded away in the middle of the street and appeared behind them... I don't think they would be laughing and screaming and chanting your name. They would have to stop... think.. and then think some more.

Silence is golden my children. Love it, learn it, make it your own.


Saturday, September 01, 2007

What's in store?

Well it looks like the most talked about thing in magic in a very long time turned out to be an online magic venue for people who most likely DON'T need the money. If you don't know who magicians are, then you need to get out more. (or research your art better)

This comes around to something I have been saying for a bit now. We all knew street magic would eventually be on the decline in some way or another. Stores like Ellusionist and Penguin are no longer pumping out products left and right. Hell Ellusionist is pretty much a DVD/specialty cards shop at this point. The Asshat has faded into the background. Oh sure he does stuff still, but he does not hold sway like he used to. Want to blame that on Criss Fishing Rod? Go ahead. Let's face it tho', at this point they could get ANYONE to stand in his place as almost all of his effects are staged and fake as hell.

I digress. So the street magic is kind of lulling itself to sleep and now Theory 11 comes along with a bizarre mix of old skool close-up guys and new street magic kids. (I will save judgment on their new effects until a later date. I need a few more details first) I dunno if this is gonna be a good thing or a bad thing? Only time will tell.

Until Theory 12 come out that is.


Thursday, August 30, 2007

This magic moment...

Wow two posts in less than 24 hours! What is this 2003 all over again?

Regardless, this is something I have wanted to touch on for a bit (Kind of like a catholic priest) and I was talking about it last night with a friend so..

There is a theory in magic that talks about prolonging the "Moment of Magic"TM. That moment is different for the magician as opposed to the person you are inflicting your art onto. Lemme splain'.

Let's say you are doing a simple coin vanish. The moment you perform your fake take, le tourniquet vanish, classic palm, etc... the moment of magic is over. For you the trick is done. For them it has JUST begun. At this point you can wave your hand over the coin (providing time misdirection so they can't backtrack as easily) and then open your hand. The magical "gesture" is their moment of magic. You can even go so far as to ditch the coin somewhere and pass the "coin" from hand to hand thus further prolonging the moment of befuddlement.

It's an easy concept but a harder practice. For us we just wanna get the damn thing over with after we pass that point for ourselves. Some people however go a bit TOO far and try to prolong it to cure for insomnia type proportions. There is a fine line and YOU have to find it for yourself AND your audience. The one thing you don't want to do is hurry it along.. Let them get into it, observe your conviction, and be led TOTALLY down the path. No point in jumping the gun...

And any woman will tell you that is paramount.

A new trick started popping up on the magical boards. (How vague is that?) It's a way to make a signature move from one card to another.. more or less. Looks good.. however...

This is a good example of a few of the dangers to buying magic. First, is it easily resettable and repeatable if you are gonna be doing it ALL night? Is it a one trick pony that won't fit in with the rest of your repertoire? Are you gonna use it once and then have it end up in your drawer? (likely scenario)

Don't get me wrong, it's a great idea, but you should ALWAYS look at the limitations of a trick, not just what it does. Weigh the pros and cons of the trick itself. Do you need to have multiple gimmicks pre-set ahead of time? Does it require a gimmick? Can it be done for the same person and the outcome be different? All of these are valid questions along with many other personal choices that only YOU can make.

There is a lot of magic out there. Some good.. much CRAP. Don't believe everything you see. Buying new magic is like getting a tattoo. Make sure you REALLY want it and wait a bit for the dust to settle. Don't get caught up in that shiny new magic smell

Also, don't believe the hype.


Monday, August 27, 2007

Never met the man meself...

However, Jerry Andrus has passed away. He is most well known for his creation Zone Zero. (As well as the linking pins and MANY others)

The man had hands the size of Buicks and an odd sense of humor. Don't believe me? Check out this video.

This stuff comes in threes. I wonder whose next. Maybe it's you.


Saturday, August 25, 2007

Making a point...

Magicians of old

Magicians of yesterday

Magicians of today

WTF happened!? When did we lose the ability to dress like show people? (mind you I am NOT a fan of the tuxedo look, but for this I was trying to make a point... and those photos were all I could find tee hee) Sure you could say "Well that's just a casual shot and they are not performing", but we all know better. That IS their performance outfits. (Lots of black and it looks like they are ready for.. tech theater?) What gives? Magicians are dressing like the homeless urchins people have always THOUGHT we were.

Good going guys. Magicians-1 Fashion-0


Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Hey Mikey, they liked it...

First review of my DVD I have seen. Go, be amazed.


[/shameless self-promotion]

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

I'm with the banned...

Hey guess who joins the ranks of the no longer loved from the magic cafe? Thaz right our good pal, Steve Fearson!!

Let's find out why shall we? He has released a new effect called the Psi-Device. It enables you to make a small piece of foil or paper move. Not around the room, not jump like a frickin' grasshopper, but move a bit. As if you had mild telekinetic powers. Here is the kick. It can be totally covered over the top with a glass and on a spectators hand. No magnets, thread, blowing, etc. Sound impossible? It's not.

So over at the our favorite overblown magic board, the "pros" were speculating what it could be. Problem with this is they might be guessing at a method but putting ANY idea into someones head as to what it might be is almost exposure. They might get it right and then what? Well after a few harsh words about the expediate way the thread was moderated (apparently CRAP is a cuss word now) he was escorted out. The thread is deleted by the way, which is good.

Mind you with exquisite promo photos like this
I can see why the moderator took offense. He has probably heard the term crap regarding himself one too many times. Mind you with that kind of stuff not being caught and taken care of or moderated properly, you can hurt someones business. It's not just in magic, but everywhere. We are just going in circles around the edge of the bowl now folks. One day we are all just gonna get banned from everything and someone is gonna push the Game Over button and then what will we do? It's human nature to complain and see the negative in all good things. Look at the concept of Hell and Heaven. Gawd forbid we ALL get to go to a nice place. Nope, we gotta send the undesirables to a hellish unsanitary place.. like New Jersey. Well Steve, welcome to TMC purgatory. Here is a glass of lemonade and a nudie magazine.

We welcome you with open arms.


Friday, August 10, 2007

A great new magical product!!

Ok so let's assume you have a girlfriend. (If yer a magician you might have to go inflate her right quick. I'll wait.)

(Intermission music from Monty Python and the Holy Grail Plays)

Ok so yer girlfriend or wife or mail order bride wants to get into a bit of magic so she knows what the hell yer talking about when you say "Elmsley Count". What do you teach her to do? A double lift? Three flight? Hell no!! You buy her a trick off the intarwebz.

The best part? This card box can be used to amuse herself late at night when she realizes how truly useless you are. All you will have to buy her... are batteries!

A marital aid and a magic trick all in ONE HANDY SPOT!!


Thursday, August 09, 2007

Get yer head outta yer ass and into the clouds!!

If that had been the title of this new book I would totally buy it! However, this seems extremely dodgy if you ask me. "In the right place, at the right time.." Well yes but I could say that for any magic really.

Update: After reading the description again I decided to add my own comments as follows. (In bold)

"In this book the authors strip away the veil of secrecy, revealing cloud secrets only known to a select few. Learn to make clouds vanish and appear. Sculpture them into images of selected playing cards, thought of numbers, ESP symbols, faces, and even animals. Yes you too can play GOD!!

Nothing is held back! Apparently change the weather by delaying rain or snow or even by making it warmer. Believe it or not you can do a lot of this long distance by using a cell phone! With the material in this book you will be more than just a magician or mentalist. (You'll be a wanker) You will be a real miracle worker, who apparently has complete control over the elements! (No a real miracle worker would heal the sick and make the blind see. This is gonna be WAY sillier than that.)

The book will teach you how to:

* CAUSE A CLOUD TO VANISH FROM THE SKY. (it will only take 3-6 hours to accomplish)It will also show you methods where that cloud and ONLY that cloud vanishes. The others remain intact.
* CLOUD MATERIALIZATION --magician points to an empty space in the sky and causes a cloud to suddenly form. (By blowing smoke up your ass)
* BLUE SKY--magician causes ALL the clouds to vanish leaving a blue sky (Psychotropic drugs not included)
* Cloud Moving--How to make clouds Move (Also learn how to make birds FLY!!)
* Cloud Sculpture--change the shape of clouds into objects (Such as blobs and chunks and a bunny!)
* How Fake Psychics Stop & Start Rain (See Fig. 1)
* Secrets Behind Making Rainbows Appear (And how to channel Doug Henning. It's maaaaagic!)
* How to Reveal Selected Cards with Clouds (Cuz' nothing says I am a real wizard by whipping out a deck of cards right?)
* Make Thought of Numbers Appear in the Sky (Sky Writing Plane not included)
* All THIS AND MUCH, MUCH MORE!!! (Ok well maybe like one more thing.) "

Is it just me or are we starting to reach a bit for crap to sell to our magical brethren?


PS: If anyone has purchased Helter Shelter: The Movie lemme know what you think about it. I'd like to hear some feedback on it. Thanx.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Dirty deeds...


Ahem - Helter Shelter: The Movie has been released.

Crawling forth from the twisted mind of Bizzaro, the Optical Illusionist, comes Helter Shelter: The Movie.

A visual guide to the book of the same name, Helter Shelter will take you on a journey through the gruesome details of the Razor Blade Illusion Mystery as well as the haunted 13th Street Morgue.

The first video of its kind to explain the intricate workings of the razor blade illusion as well as tips, tricks, advice, and even a few unique effects exclusive to this video including the never before seen Bizzaro Fan Stand.

With a special appearance by Randi Rain and music by Alex Can't Sleep, Helter Shelter: The Movie is a rare treat for those souls willing to take a brave look inside. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Availible at fine magic dealers all over the damn place or check out the official HS:TM page.

I hate to be a shameless self-promoter... but I am.

For those of you who didna like the book, you probably won't like the video...

but buy it anyway!


Wednesday, July 18, 2007

I have noticed a VERY weird tend in magic as of late. Overly complicated methods and very particular handling to make a minor miracle happen. Problem is there are TONS of magic effects that freak people out on a daily basis. How do you compare one to another?

Does a coin appearing in an ice cube have a stronger effect than say something that takes less set up and props than the Pothole Trick? Both are equally strong but totally different and impossible.

Healed and Sealed is a great effect. However look at Coin in Can (Sinful). Same prop, but no set-up on one of them. Both are STRONG magic. The reason I think about this is because of the effect Frozen I saw recently. It had a GREAT idea for how to produce "Icy breath" but the things you had to do to get a coin in an ice cube is a bit much and fairly impractical for the working professional. (Really good for the casual "Street thug" magician. Don't get me started on that tho')

All I can say is I don't want to plan my day so carefully that I have to know how many ice cubes to make the day before and how far I can go before I lose all my props and get a soggy pocket. It so damn odd.

These kids today have no idea what it is like to be a working pro. They think harassing a person on the street with some ladybug in a pocketknife is magic. (To this day I have no idea how Goldenhersch keeps track of them damn butterflies he uses so well)

On another note that is very similar in song and dance, one of my magical fiends and I were discussing how there are a lot of card tricks out there but not very many GOOD ones. I agree and would like to add UNIQUE good ones. How many collectors or ace assembly tricks are there? K-RIST!! Too many to count. KISS baby..

The shortest way to a good time is a straight line.

Just ask my ex-girlfriend.


Monday, July 16, 2007

Free tricks for all!!

I'll make a real post soon, but here is a little something I devised recently and now you too can confuse people with modern technology!!


Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Nothing's ever easy...

It's hard work to make something easy look good. As magicians we do seem to forget that the simplest tricks are sometimes the most effective. Human beings are inherently notorious for making things more difficult on ourselves than need be. In reality, the simplest solution is the best or most effective.

It's almost... too easy.

Sponge balls are a good example. The solution to how it's done is so BLOODY obvious, but it's so easy that no one notices. (And those that do, well can't fool everyone aye?) Even something as easy as double lift showing the wrong card, then putting it in THEIR hand, and showing it change is more effective than ANY sleight of hand you can pull off.

The quickest path between two points is a straight line.

It's true. No reason to convolute something that doesn't need it. No reason to dress it up like a weasel for it to be clever. As magicians we forget the effectiveness of a simple trick. Possibly because there is no challenge in it for us AT ALL. Whatever the cause' the solution is to merely remember thus:

Work Smarter, Not Harder.


Thursday, June 21, 2007

Repetition, part deux...

Before I talked about how doing the same thing over and over again makes you good at it. Now let's talk about choosing the stuff to DO over and over again. There is a lot of CRAP that comes out everyday in magic. Lots of it is a one trick baloney pony while others take way too long to reset or might be a tad cumbersome. (I'm looking at you ladybug from a drop of blood trick.)

Any pro table hopper will tell you re-setting is a blessing in your guise. Not only in effect but also pocket management. When it goes back in the way it came out is a wonderful thing. (That sounded kinda dirty) The reason I even bring up a lot of this stuff is recently I have been hired to perform daily at a local theme park and tend to do the same 10 minute set over and over again. (Gathering a crowd isn't the problem, it's getting them to go away.) If I had to walk over behind a wall or some such and reset some prop, it would A: Reflect bad on me and 2. Prolly piss off the people who hired me.

There is an old effect I used to do when I was much younger, but have had no reason to perform it anymore. I wanted to bring it back because it fits the character I portray. Problem is it required a rather annoying set up that wasn't always reliable. I put my strange melon to work and came up with a way to not only make it INSTANTLY repeatable, but also make it more believable and easier to perform as I can handle the props freely and without guile.

The reason I tell you this is that some effects, while NOT easy to reset or repeat, can be made to be so. You just have to teach and train yer brain to think a problem thru at every angle. If you want to do something, but can't find a way, don't give up. There is always a way. Nothing is impossible.. except for the things that are.

So when looking for your next effect or purchase in magic, think about where and when you are going to need it. How to bring it in and out of play and if it fits your character and flow of the show. When you can perform an effect relentlessly, day after day, with no futzing with a lengthy reset... that my children is when you are on your way on the path of enlightenment.

Reach Nirvana without that pesky shotgun.


Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Andrew Mayne has lost his damn mind...

150$... for THIS?

And some of you are going to buy it aren't you? You people make me sick.

I hope a midget saws your legs off.


Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Way of the future, way of the future, way of the future....

Repetition is part of our job as magicians. When you do a show on the street, in a restaurant, in a trade show, or in a setting such as a theme park or similar venue, you will be doing the same thing (With a few variations here and there) over... and over.. and over again.

It comes with the territory. The best thing about this is it will make you better, strong, faster than before. Of course you have to pay attention and enjoy what you're doing. This is where the art of improv and audience management comes into play. If you are one of the kind who gets ruffled easily if the crowd is messing with you, then you need more work and flight time. The best of the best of anything can filter out distractions or use them to their advantage.

This over and over again performance lets you find the best possible way to perform an effect and how to handle the crowd. What lines that do or do not work, the timing that gets the best reaction, and in some cases, when NOT to speak.

If you can secure a job where they pay you and you are not having to busk for tips then even better. The pressure is off of you and you can focus on the task at hand. Mind you performing in any of the aforementioned venues is working the trenches. It tests your resolve, skill, and definitely your patience.

The problem with most of the magi "Street" youth today is they are looking for the next big thing to make them an Asshat. A good bit of advice from any old worker is It is better to do four things well, than do 100 things badly". In this type of situation it is favorable to make an act that will be the best it can be that you can slip new stuff into and out of at will to keep it from getting stale as well. Having a few stock lines and using the crowd as your main source of lines and jokes is also a good idea.

By doing repetitions like this you will gather a rolodex of lines, moves, and tricks you can use at your disposal and make them seem like they are fresh and new, but in reality, you can cull them forth from your brain when they are needed.

Why do I feel I am repeating myself?


Thursday, June 14, 2007

Gone Fishin'...

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine earlier tonight about your favorite rocker/goth/emo/poser, Criss Fishing Rod. About his performance style and exposure hurts sideshow and magic. I said I disagree and here is why...

First off: He is enabling weirdos to be more tolerated due to exposure thru the sheep machine that is the media. People will call up agencies wanting someone like Criss, but they can't afford him. They will be directed to the nearest sideshow performer or demented magician.

Secondly: No matter how much you see stuff on TV there is NOTHING like seeing it live. Glass walking, fire eating, putting needles in your flesh? Seeing that in the comfort of your own home is one thing. Seeing it live, raw, and uncensored is a totally different animal. You can see, touch, hear, and even smell it. This is why sideshows and magic have survived for years and will continue to for years to come. People have a desire to feed their freek and they are lucky enuff to have folks like us to help them live vicariously thru others.

So despite how I feel about emo boy selling his artistic integrity for a buttload of cash, every negative space has a positive inside of it.

The lure has been set. Let's see who bites.


Monday, June 11, 2007

I had a fan of this blog (Who knew) clamor for something new. For those who feel the same way, sorry for the delay. We have actually been fairly busy believe it or don't. Blame Misty Lee for some of that.. and congratulate her. She has big things ahead of her but I will not spill it myself. Go join her message board and get the info from her directly.

Regardless, I do have a little thing I have wanted to post about so while I await a phone call, I shall share with you thusly.

I was in a local nightclub I frequent (And test out new material) and someone I am acquainted with... a non-magi mind you, exclaimed this, and I quote - "Magicians aren't overrated, just their Persona." With no provocation or anything. He just blurted it out. (After watching some magic mind you but still..)

What does this say to the rest of you? Think about it. A free thinking non-magician believes most of us have a personality that we deem higher than we maybe should... sound familiar? Are you one of.. THEM!?

It is true. We put a lot of self-importance on what we do. Sure magicians bring happiness to kids, and the sick, and the inebriated... but in the grand scheme of things do we cure disease or find a way to end hunger? Let's face it, these new clothes we have on don't really exist and I for one am not afraid to stand up and say that we're all just naked and lettin' it all hang out.

Sure magic has changed people's lives and blah blah blah. There are no absolutes in this world and exceptions wait around every corner to bludgeon the rules and steal it's wallet. That, however, is not my point.

Don't be so self important. Seriously. Accept your role as a cog in the great machine. We choose this life to entertain others and ourselves. Maybe make a little scratch in the process. If you can make one person a day smile then you're doing a good work. Even if you don't do magic to make it happen. This world is full of enough turmoil and asshats already. Plastic people, false faces, and fake body parts. Let's stand up and be real for a little while hunh? It's your call.

Stand and fight.. Hoora!