Like a pin drop...

I wonder if magicians can hear the sound of an appearing metal cane. Do they think the loud sound of rapidly expanding spring steel is what magic sounds like when it's happening. I got news for you. If you can hear it, so can everyone else.

I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.

There are ways to do it where it doesn't sound like a pterodactyl swooping out of the sky. There are (read: were) canes that used to be pretty damned silent but good luck finding those for a good price. You could use plastic but they usually look like crooked and wobbly. 

Personally I prefer the production out of a scarf like Shimada and Dimmare were oft to do. (If you don't know what I'm talking about Scott Cervine can show you.) 

So next time you want to fire of an appearing cane ask yourself, "Is this what magic sounds like or am I just fooling myself?" 

It's likely the latter.

The king's throne...

Here is a random idea I just thought of....

Put a mirror across from your toilet.

Not a full length one. There is no need to get that intimate while doing "paperwork". However something that sits about shoulder height and up can be beneficial. It's like having sex in a public place. You'll get used to it. (and there is less of a chance you'll get arrested)

This will help you in two ways:
I. you can work on your facial expressions which are very important when it comes to performing and conveying emotions. Far too many performers don't know what to do with their face. This will give you the chance to work on it.

II. It will get you more comfortable in awkward situations. If you can maintain eye and make faces at yourself with defecating, you can do most anything. Getting over those feelings of embarrassment are part and partial to being a good entertainer.

Besides, it's not like you're going anywhere...

Let's define the terms...

This shit right here makes me mad.


These companies are allowing half wits with half baked ideas to get an ego about being inventors and then they start touting themselves as such and then pump out MORE magic bile into the world.

Let me get something straight here. Just because you come up with some piddly ass magic trick it does NOT make you a "creator". It makes you someone with an idea.

Also being a "creator" doesn't make you a magician. If you can't perform your own creations you are just someone who makes stuff.

In my opinion, a creator does their due diligence. They research, they perfect, they make something the best it can be. What companies like Murphys are perpetrating is if you come up with some terrible idea they can help make it "marketable" thus making them more of the creators and the person who comes to them a kind of figurehead. "We did all the work to make this not suck but because we can't just cut this idiot out of the loop we have to put his name on it".

I don't care if you don't agree with me or think I am way off base. I am just sick of our profession being choked with mediocre magic and fevered egos who think they are somebody because a bunch of pre-pubescent humans think they are hot shit.

Obviously this doesn't go for EVERYONE. Some people are prolific creators. (Not necessarily GOOD ones) However in magic everyone wants to be on par with the people who have achieved legit "fame" for making something and magic companies keep enabling this to happen.

The urge to create is deep in our core and I understand that, but too many are creating for the wrong reason: money. If you create for yourself and your audience, the money will come but if you forgo those first steps you are going about it the wrong way.

There's enough terrible magic out there. We don't need sponsored posts on message boards encouraging more greed and terrible tricks.

Thanks Obama...

Avante Card...

Some magicians create magic for magicians. some create for the real world, and a few, create magic that skips madly between the two.

However, one trap I see a lot of guys falling into is trying to put some deep meaningful slant on card tricks. The problem is they aren't writers so their "script" comes off fake, forced, and flamingos (Sorry I needed a third word for the alliteration).

Non-magicians barely give a shit about magic as it is so hitting them with some heavy patter while doing a card trick can fall very flat. In a theater show it's usually fine. Hell some people have made a whole career out of it at this point. However, if you are going to hold people hostage in a strolling situation, you might want to leave the artsy shit at home. Least you find them watching your autistic artistic presentation like this...

 "Why is he talking about snow? It's a card trick..."

I'm not saying DON'T try to be artistic and creative and deep and alla that, just choose your battles. Don't make your script the default for EVERY situation. Read the room. If you're at a bar, chances are they don't want to hear your philosophy on how card tricks give you the chance to "ask questions".

It's not therapy, it's a card trick.

The struggle is real....

Normally on this journal I try to give performing advice or rant about various things that make me mad. However, from time to time I like to offer up tips on things like music or promo photos.

The longer you perform, the more things you pick up. Some of them are noticeable, while others remain hidden in the shadows.. and by shadows I mean your pants.

If you perform in a dress shirt and at any time put your hands up over your head (or anything even close to it) your shirt can come a tad untucked and stay that way.

 Exhibit A

At the very least, it can make you look disheveled. At the worst, it looks like hell in still photos. If you ever get the chance, (and I suggest you make the time when you can), talk to some of the old school pros we still have left. They all have their little tips and tricks for keeping yourself looking top notch on stage. 

It's a little thing called "Shirt Stays" and they totally do what they say on the package. When you first put them on, it might feel a little goofy at first but it's worth it. Not only does it keep your shirt tucked in, but it also keeps it from wrinkling up from normal wear.

Nice and straight. The shirt at least...

So if this kind of stuff is important to you, then you should look into it. You'll be glad you did.

 If not...

 

This could be you.

Magic Live shares a bit...

I know there has been a fair amount of radio silence on this journal. It's not dead and neither am I.

In the midst of performing and moving it's been hard to get worked up about anything in the magic world (that I can talk about anyway)

Regardless, for those who weren't there (or slept in) I did a talk at Magic Live. Lots of people di actually. If you have never been, ML has a lot of information they dole out in various ways. This year they tried something new and have graciously put it online for your perusal/approval. Not all of the subjects will appeal to you but I am sure you will find something you like. I am fond of This One personally.

That should keep you busy til' I get riled up again.

Too true...

I have two images for you that pretty much sum up the problem with, not just the world, but the entertainment business in general.


So many people see great things in the live entertainment world and they just don't give a #&^%. They shrug it off and don't support, share or tell anyone about it. Everything else is so disposable it carries over to art and talent.



This mirrors the other image but the sentiment is a little different.

Still, you get the idea...

There a hole in my pocket... in my cookie...

So I released a product a while back. Not a huge OMG YOU MUST HAS THIS!!111 relase but a release nonetheless.

I realized I didn't put it on here so here you go:


I want to collectively and publicly shame thank everyone who helped out in this video. If you want to know exactly who these people, then the YT video description is what thou seek.

If you wanna buy this silly thing head over to www.bizzaromatic.com

Has it always been this way?

In Vegas we have had conversations about if bad performers know they are bad or if there has been this many terrible magicians in the past?

I think the answer to those questions are NO and YES! Together these two answers form a perfect union of lackluster magic.

With Your Powers combined... I SUCK!

I understand having enthusiasm for the craft. I totally get it. However, what I don't understand is not being able to look at a video that is so clearly stiff, so badly performed, so badly... BAD that you don't think to yourself, "Maybe I should wait until this doesn't look like ass."

The problem of course is the fact they don't know. (or if they do they don't care). The other issue lies in the fact that you can put something on the internet for the whole world to see before your those synapses fire that tell you something is a bad idea and then you just go with it. The fact is that technology is so accessible to everyone that we get to SEE more bad magic whereas these guys (and gals. They can suck too) would just sit at home in the mirror or go to their local magic club and be bad. They were just a danger to themselves locally. Now they can be aggravating globally.

Wanting to get feedback to improve is fine. Do that. For the love of Dr. Blight, don't post every little 45 second brain poop you think is "good". Remove yourself from the equation and ask, "Is this the best I can do?" and if the answer is "maybe" you might want to hold off hitting that upload button.

The internet is forever....

Is it me you're looking for?

Hi Blogger land. Remember me? I've been gone for a while. It's nothing you did. I just haven't been that angry about anything for a while.

Well that changes today... but first...

If you don't read The Jerx you should. He just posted a great article (That was picked up on Boingboing which is how I saw it) about when spectators of magic become suspicious. He says, and I quote, "Suspicion is brought on by an unnecessary expenditure of energy on the part of the magician." (There now you don't have to read it but you really should anyway you lazy bastards)

Vernon was known for eliminating unnecessary moves from his, and others, magic. So much magic has weird ass extraneous gestures it makes you wonder if some guys who made up these tricks had palsy.

King of shaking the Aces

While you think about that, and how much of an asshole I am, can I just say how disappointed I am in magic "creators" lately?

I have been in Europe the last 3 weeks consulting for a TV show. We have gone through a lot of magic that we either bought or ask permission to use. The problem? Half of it is only good for straight to camera. They are so damned impractical to do for real people it's unreal. I knew it was bad but I had NO idea it had gotten to this level of absurdity.

My warning to all of you reading this, if it's hyper visual on a magic demo, there is a 90% chance that you will never be able to do it for anyone, not even your dog. Hell maybe not even yourself in the mirror.. standing 10 feet back... in a dark room.

Also, how many tricks out there now are just flaps, elastic thread, and magnets? Here is a hint... ALL OF THEM!! I have had to improve or fix so many of these, for the sake of argument let's call them ideas, it's infuriating. Half the time they don't work or they break after a few uses or a mix of the two.

I hope all of you who are making money off this terrible magic, individuals and companies alike, get what's coming to you...

A real job.

Looking Back...

The older I get and the more young magicians I meet, the more I want to slap them around a bit and tell them to look into magicians and magic from more than 5 years ago. I understand many people are victims of the times in which they live but to assume that some of the current "magicians" out there know what the fuck they are talking about is just silly.

I even know that the serious students will look further back and they are the ones who will succeed but someone needs to tell these kids to look back past the internet.

Keep yo pimp hand strong....

Awfully crowded...

Dear Magicians,

Crowdfunding websites like Indiegogo and Kickstarter are not there for you to use as your own personal street corner to panhandle on. Don't ask people to pay your trivial medical bills, rent, or get new props. Unless you have a million Twitter followers no one is going to care nor take you seriously. (If you have that many Twitter followers you likely wouldn't need that stuff anyway)

Thanks,

The Mngmnt.

Lo-Vision...

Have you ever seen a performer on stage doing a card trick and had trouble seeing the selected card? Perhaps in a photo or video of your own performance? Well if you can’t see it, then neither can anyone else.

Even Zombies know the importance of Jumbo Index

I have no idea why some magicians have such a disdain for jumbo index playing cards. Actually that’s not true. I know some think they look “tricky” or unfamiliar. However if you happen to use any kind of vanity deck that argument goes right out the window.

It’s fine if you don’t want to use them for close-up. However, have you ever tried to identify a court card from a distance? It’s damn near impossible. 

When you are onstage it’s very important for things to be clear, especially if you are doing card tricks. There are simple things that may seem small but make a HUGE difference. Having the card signed with a red chisel tip marker, the way you force the card (if you do that), and having a deck of cards that is visible to everyone in the room. Some of your audience will likely need glasses or have them.It's your job to make sure that these tiny but important details are thought of and implemented for the sake of your audience.

Don't fear the reaper Ted...

The little easy...

Sorry for my absence as of late. I haven't really been that angry at anything in the magic scene.... at least not enough to write about. There is plenty of regular asshattery but I have just grown numb to it.

 This is what everyday on the Cafe looks like

So in lieu of angst I will offer up some advice. As someone who has been doing stage magic since before some of you were born, let me dole out this brain dripping: Make Things Easy On Yourself! I have learned the hard way that if it happens once it can and WILL happen again. Fix it before the next show or it might bite you in the... well... you know ^...

Everything needs to flow as seamlessly as it can. This way you don't have to worry about something falling, not being in the right spot, or moving from it's (possibly secret) location. When you know you don't have to worry about things falling to pieces you can focus on your performance which is the more important part.

So if it needs a magnet, hook, velcro, ring of hot glue to keep it from rolling off the table, felt, fishing hooks, snap gums, broken popsicle stick, tampon applicator, whatever... then make it happen.

You'll be glad you did.

You are just a tool...

Dear Magic Creators,

A magic company will defend you only so long as you are valuable to them. The moment you are not a cash cow, they move on to the next slaughter. Don't let it go to your head. It's the same in every business.

A companies sole reason to exist is to make money. Don't fool yourselves into thinking they are "helping you" or anyone else other than themselves because they are "kindhearted". The only thing they care about is filling their coffers.

Keep that in mind when you fill the market with your brain poop.

Sincerely,

The Mngmnt.

"Everyone is so fake when they shake you hand, and they kiss your ass 'cause then they get cash" - Reel Big Fish

The definition of insanity...

I was reading an article about the OODA Loop, (A theory that pertains to many things including magic), and in it there was a talk about the 2nd law of Thermodynamics". While technically this refers to mechanics and whatnot, it can also be applied to people. For you lazt bastards who don't want to read it, here is a line that jumped out at me: "The more we rely on outdated mental models even while the world around us is changing, the more our mental “entropy” goes up."

Doesn't that sound a lot like most of the magicians we know?

Magic doesn't like to evolve with the times. To be fair humans in general resist swift change but we are one, if not many, decades behind the times. We have jumped ahead a bit here and there with the advent of the internet, but let's face it, we are still giving people books printed in the 30s and 40s back when tricks were titled "To magically procure a selected card from a borrowed gentleman's bowler hat". 

In some cases, magic is collapsing in on itself because they believe circling the wagons is the best option. The SAM, IBM, Magic Castle and even forums like the big soylent green refuse to look at the world around us and accept there might be people who view entertainment different from them.

Don't agree with me? Here is another bit of text from that article...

"Individuals or organizations that don’t communicate with the outside world by getting new information about the environment or by creating new mental models act like a “closed system.” And just as a closed system in nature will have increasing entropy, or disorder, so too will a person or organization experience mental entropy or disorder if they’re cut off from the outside world and new information."

 Now if that doesn't sound like a bunch of old white men with decks of cards I don't know what does.

Battle Damage...

I want to share something with you guys that I have been telling others about for a while now. Usually I spill this news to the younger generation when one of the old guard does something so profoundly and unfathomably stupid or asshole-o-rific(tm), that the aforementioned youngster just cant wrap their head around it all.  

The entertainment business is populated with damaged people.

Now I am sure a handful of you reading this will be like "Well duh Bizzaro. You haven't written anything in a long time and THIS is what you come back at us with?"

This nugget of wisdom is not for you smart ass. It's for the beginners and youngsters who might stumble upon my words and have not experienced this oh so joyous part of our business.

The rest of you meet me at camera 3.... 

Ok guys look. For some reason people with some major deep seated issues are drawn to the ascertainment business. (Mind you they are different issues than the ones that draw damaged people to become cops but that is besides the point.) They either weren't hugged enough as a child... or hugged TOO much. They seek power, fame, money, and many other forms of acceptance or adoration they never had in their life before. Whatever the reason, if they do or say something crazy to/at you, it's not your fault. Just take a deep breath and repeat after me...

"They're just a magician. They can't help that they're damaged." (This also tends to work in relationships too but there is a litany of other factors to that one.)

So chin up young bucks and buckettes. If some 50 year old finger flinger you once respected has cock blocked you from releasing a DVD because they think they own snack food, it's on them. If they make a YouTube video about something you posted and it sounds insane, chances are it is and you should just repeat our above mantra.

For every batshit entertainer out there, there is another one who is cool and fun to hang out with. Seek those people out instead and you will be much happier.

 Just remember to keep the popcorn handy

Lines in the sand...

Magic is a small community. Word gets around fast.

As a creator and prop maker, I have always lauded the practice of properly crediting and to never rub another man's rhubarb. If the lines are blurry between an effect and the other, it's nice to reach out and talk to the other party to come to some sort of agreement or compromise. (Sometimes that can backfire of course and some dick thinks he owns Cracker Jacks or something.)

As the world progresses and evolves, more and more people are ok with engaging in shady practices to get their name out there. As I have stated before, today you are more well known for the product you release in magic than your ability to perform.

This is why it's so very important to leave a pleasant first impression with your initial magic releases (And every other after that but I digress).

Enter this guy....

He's modest too!

Within a matter of months he has managed to piss off a lot of magicians (to be fair, it's not that difficult) and make a name for himself... but not a good one.

You see, magic is (usually) a self-policing entity. We see something that is too close to something else and we lose our fucking minds. Usually it's justified, sometimes it's not. In this case, there is clear evidence of shenanigans. Paper trails and alla that.

You see, even professional magicians are like a car full of drag queens. We can be catty bitches and we talk. OH do we talk. The reason is many of us care about what is going on in our profession because we care about magic in one way or another. This kid's bad rep goes deeper than his lack of respect for magic product releases. Apparently he has pissed a few other people's Cheerios in the magic world in some form or another.

Let him serve as an example of what could happen to you if you think you can fool the foolers. You'll still likely get away with it, but a lot less people will want to come play in your sandbox.

Also, I'm not the only one who sees this am I?

Yeah, you get it.

Going thru a stage...

A very interesting article popped up on my feed the other day. While the title pertains to life, I think it also pertains to magic as well. Thus I have adopted their categories to describe how we grow thru life if we stay on this weird journey we call magic.

Mimicry - I have said that magic is ten years behind the times because we are influenced by what has come before us. Music, movies, other performers, etc. When we first start out as performers, we look to those who leave an impact on us. Some of us are inspired while others outright copy. Some say that when you are very young it is ok to copy as it helps you get your bearings but you eventually (I say quickly) need to move away and find yourself which is where the second stage comes in.

Self-Discovery - This is where you figure out what your performing persona or character or style might be. What material you like... or don't like. Mind you a lot of these decisions will evolve or alter course over time but usually you start to find your footing.

Commitment - After a decade of finding yourself and honing your skills, you start to narrow in on the kind of presentation and material you want to do. Again, things will ebb and flow in and out of mind, but ultimately you start to stand your ground and focus on one thing or another.

Legacy - Finally, you begin to master your craft and make fans and/or students. (More likely nowadays, publish material that will long outlast you) If you have stuck it out on the long hard road out of hell, you will leave behind those that will sing your praises and speak of you in hushed whispers in smokey back rooms. If you are lucky, your name will outlast all of the naysayers you encountered along the way who thought they knew you better than you did.

All of this and more are the stepping stones of becoming a fully fleshed out performer and not just some joke fluffing birthday party rabbit puller.

And then there are those who just don't give a shit one way or the other...

On tour...

I'm out galavanting on the east coast for a bit so here is something distracting....