Why am I stuck in magician Hell?

Are you trying to control me?

A lot of younger magician types are always asking about the best card controls, passes, and the like. Now stay with me on this, but what if there was no passes or double undercuts? How would you control a card? Why does it even mater that much?

We forget that we don't have to be as sneaky as we think we are. Sure you put that card in there. But then you cut the deck all funky. I know he knows where that card is. Now what if you slid that card right in the middle of the deck, no cutting or anything. Now you have something interesting... but only a bit. You see when we force card tricks upon people they know we are gonna, more than likely, find their chosen card. It's not how well we do it, but how we do it. Hunh? Lemme explain.

Card selected, lost in deck, cards thumped, card on top. Mildly amazing, zero entertainment. Now try the same start, but find that card in your zipper. Pretty amazing, funny as hell and unexpected!! Magic is about entertainment, not moves. Sure the pass is effective.. when it's called for. Double undercuts look retarded. Use a top change or slip force as a card control. Who's gonna know? Start thinking like a mundane. Pretend you don't know the world elmsley count, injog, or even shitzu. Why kill yourself working on an invisible move no one is ever gonna see anyway? I think you SHOULD learn the moves, but not rely on them. Open your mind up to new ideas. People don't know what we're doing or even pay attention. It's that last bit you need to work on. I don't care if yer LePaul pass is the best around, if I am not smiling at the end I'm lighting you on fire.

Bizzaro.