Gee if I am gonna get accused of something I might as well do it right? Recently I decided to ask the boys over at www.superhandz.com about a thing they do with fire in one of their videos. They retorted with something along the lines of "Why should we support someone who doesn't support us?" and accused me of constantly bashing them on many magic forums. Funny thing is I don't recall doing this.. especially constantly. I went back and looked at any of the places I post a lot, and found ONE post about how well this guy De'vo did his music and video editing. I recall making a remark somewhere about not caring for a video about nothing but flourishes as it's not my style. (I prolly made a remark about it being magical masturbation too... but tell me it isn't.. seriously?) However I can't find that post ANYWHERE!

So when I told them I didn't know what they were talking about, (Including a true statement about it not being a ploy, I really didna know what the hell they were talking about.), they replied with a rather snide comment about playing games and me having amnesia. They also included a remark about not talking to me about it anymore. Thus I emailed them back once more to tell them I think they're BS was unfair and un-professional and good luck to them. They of course in turn only emailed me back to say good luck as well.

Ok so this is what I gleaned about whoever this Lars guy is.. One, he is the type who has to get the last word in. Two, he and his gang of finger goobers obviously think they are hot shit cuz' they can light cards on fire and spin card fans underwater. (hey got news for you, it's not as impressive since they stick together being made of paper and all of that.) Three, they think that one or two comments exclaiming my point of view is constantly bashing someone in multiple forums. So basically they sit on the internet to pimp their products and monitor forum conversations closely.

I try to make this thing as little about me as possible, but this one time I had to speak my mind and also say this...
If you little wankers think that yer hot because the only talent you have is making up extreme card flourishes, come to my town and talk shit to my face. Easy to hide behind a computer screen and make accusations isn't it? Have fun in yer narrow minded little land and if you want to accuse me thaz fine. After this post I fully expect it now. At least you have a reason yah tossers.

That outta do it. So allow me to say don't go to their website (Which I will not link to) and do not buy their products because one person with a big head has spoken for all of them. Obviously a very important person..... whoever he is?

Bizzaro.

Ok so normally this is about magic but today it's about fire and the wacko's who play with it. Mind you I am not discounted from this, but what I do is different and I'll tell you why. (Yah sure it's a magic page, but it's my magic page so bite me.)

A lot of people do fire in two ways. One is fire eating, fire breathing. The other is called poi or staff. There is technically a third too. These are the people who make toys that light on fire such as big metal fans, claws, or somesuch and just kinda dance around with them. Many of these people are what one might refer to as pyro's. They like to light stuff on fire as well as play with it. These are the people who get SO into it they think about it in a deeper sense waaaaaay too much. Some might call it obsessed. (Others might just call it having issues)

Sure we use a lot of fire, but we use it for the sole purpose of entertaining others and putting on a good show. The problems arise when these other people start trying to teach other people how to play with fire. Usually having just learned it in the last 6 months they start showing other people. I'm sorry ,but in 6 months or even a year you are NOT gonna learn all the little nuances that go into fire performance and safety. If I teach anyone, I show them not how, but WHY it works. Also what fuels to stay away from, how to store it, and all the safety that should go into fire handling so you don't fuck up and burn yer face off. So please, if yer a pyro don't teach others unless you are damn sure yer not gonna get them and you killed. Thanx.

Bizzaro.

Novelties? You know a novelty store here carries sexual toys because in TX yah can't sell Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel-does... unless they say cake topper on them. I live in a strange state yah know? Not just denial either.

It seems a damn shame that in today's society certain "Attributes" will get you more noticed than others. Perhaps it's the fact yah got no legs. Maybe yah have two heads. Hell, it could even be something as simple as just having breasts. Now while some of you may think that last one is not a novelty, it depends where you are. In a prison yer very popular. Now picture those same inmates in tuxedos. Now put them on a stage. I think you get the point. If yer a girl doing magic you are indeed a novelty. Sad as it may be, you can either try and fight it or embrace it.

Ok so you don't have to embrace it, wrap yer legs around it, and then start grinding on it like Melinda did. However, if you know that is why you will be hired and not because of your original material or stage personality give it time. All novelties wear off. Once the afterglow goes away and if yer good enuff and strong enuff, then only YOU will remain. The fact you have mammary glands will not mean a damn thing. If yah got it.. flaunt it. But flaunt it wisely.

"It's ok to be manipulated, as long as you know yer being manipulated." - Drake Mallard

Bizzaro.

How do you dress your stage? Not like in crenoline or velvet yah silly people. What are your props aside from your tables? Do you have items that are all your own? Things that make you recognizable? If not.. think about it. Let's talk continuity. Do your tables, props, costume, music, and assistants all fit in to your show.. or is it a mishmash of oddly colored boxes and store bought wal-mart brand dress? Repaint them boxes, have someone with taste tailor make your performance outfits and for the love of god stop playing that Bon Jovi song to do rope magic to... and while yer at it get a haircut yah pansy!!!

Ok ok seriously, let's talk about your helpers. Are they just.. kinda... there? Could you say your assitants are part of your show.. or just props? Let's face it just because a person has arms and legs does not make them have a personality. If they are just there to bring you things, hold trays, and do your bidding then they are as good as a table with wheels to you. Make them part of the show. Give them, (And while yer at it, yourself), a personality. People enjoy something they can relate to on a personal basis way more than just a guy in a baggy suit producing livestock for cheap applause. (I got news for you buddy, they are applauding that rabbit... not you.) So don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys.. no wait.. don't let your show fall into mediocrity because you don't have a clue. Get one... and a haircut.

Bizzaro.

Till' Death Device do us part...

Relationships and magic. A touchy subject whot? Will you get involved with a gal who TOLERATES what you do? Perhaps find solace with someone who wants to learn. (Good luck on that one) Did you find your wife or girlfriend with the express purpose of looking for a new magic assistant? Did you marry your magic assistant?

If you can answer any of these questions then today's post will be relevant to you. I know a great deal of magi who are intertwined with fambly and ankle biters. This places a whole new twist on your life. More money is needed for mouths to feed. More space is needed for more crapola. Those dreams of a world tour.. most likely GONE!!! Generally your significant other will become part of your business whether they like it or not. From wardrobe, to business, to talent, you never know. Of course in some cases your kids will be part of the show too. Magic is a family affair... which can be a bad thing in some cases.

We use or loved ones because why? Thaz right they are cheap labor. They work for love... SUCKERS!!! However this leads to problems. Marital bliss spiraling down? Looks like you need a new assistant (or stage manager, or seamstress, or.. whatever.) Accidentally hurt them onstage? Yer ass is sleeping on the couch tonight. It's tough to work with the ones we see naked on a regular basis. Ok so that is if they work for us/ with us... now what about the girlfriends.. BEFORE you commit yourself.

Sometimes we use magic to attract others. (like a fan of cards is equal to a peacock's tail feathers or something?) It's an ice breaker and confidence builder. Lowers defenses and humor acclimates anyone quickly. (Assuming yer funny and not just funny looking.) However once the novelty wears off, thaz when they start in with "Why don't you get a real job?" or something like that. Ah yes, so much for the afterglow. If anyone ever asks you to get a real job and stop that silly magic stuff or they are leaving, tell them to pick a card and then say, "Was yours the don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out"? and wave goodbye with a card fan. A good significant other is supportive of your dream and not selfish to their own. Let's face it artists are not easy to date and it takes a LOT or patience to even wanna consider being with a magician for long periods of time.

So the moral of today's story is don't date anyone who doesn't like what you do or just simply "puts up with it". Also if you plan on having a serious magic career DON'T have kids. Not until you can support a fambly. Seriously. I have seen too many go down that path.. and now that path is strewn with bills and not magic. I'm just here for your own good..

Bizzaro.

Sure I don't post that much but trust me you would get pretty sick of me rambling on over and over again about nothing.. so I wait until I have something to say. Today's subject is that on getting away with stuff. By stuff I mean magic and by magic I mean mostly, but not limited to, card tricks. So if you like cards read on, if you like coins.. stick around there is some other stuff at the end.

So check it, David Regal.. a very well known card guy, is technically only an amateur magician. Yah!! He actually has a REAL job!! He is a comedy writer. Magic is a supplemental income. (Because let's face it even comedy writing is held in higher regard as a real job than magic.) Well he is a thinker in magic.. and when I say think I mean this man uses so many pre-set decks that if you were to do 5 of the tricks that really kill on his tapes you would to deck switch about 3-4 times. So regardless of that he is one of them guys who really needs to get out more, but is a damn fine magi.

A while back he released an effect called Sudden Deck. Great idea. Empty card box. Fair enuff. Can we see it from the side to make sure it's REALLY flat and empty? No? Why not? Oh ok so yer gonna unfold it.. wait.. I can't put my finger on it but something about the inside of that box isn't right... hmm.. he must be trying to FOOL US!!! BURN THE WITCH!!! Ahem.. anyway, you get the idea. (And if not watch the bloody video up there.) Now there are two thoughts on this in my head.

The first one is, "Well hell it's magic and no one really notices this stuff anyway right?" Well maybe so. I mean when it comes to blatant moves and ideas I am a big advocate of do it right in their faces they will never notice. Try this sometime, have a person sitting down sign a card, control it wherever, then ask them to stand up. As they do toss the card on the seat they were sitting on. By the time they turn around, it looks like the card appeared under their butt. BUTT MAGIC I TELL YOU!!! So yes take advantage of people's ingnorance.. by all means. However DON'T insult their intelligence.

Someone is BOUND to notice that card box has THREE big sides. Anyone with any knowledge in basic science/ physics will notice that the box swings like there might be something in it. Which brings me to number dose... (I am too lazy to look up the spanish spelling of that word, but I'll type out a sentence won't I? hoo boy lookit me go!!) Why would any thinking person try to be THAT blatant and present it in such a way that looks hokey. I mean sure it works, and it fools people but in the back of their head, in that little puzzle solving bit of the subconscious their Bullshit MeterTM is going off. They dunno where, they dunno when.. but something is not right? Why take that chance? Why have them distracted by that? After this effect was released I worked up a method that you can show front and back. Why don't I market it then? Well for one I am not a money grubbing magic inventor. There is already enuff crap on the market as is to confuse people. (Trust me I know I used to sell a lot of it.)

So um.. for you coin guys.. go..um.. buy my book that has a coin trick in it. Until next time, keep magic simple.

Bizzaro.

ANDREW MAYNE IS A DOG!!!

But only if yer dyslexic.

Ever since magic became popular in the hands of mere mortals, there has been a struggle to make magic for cheap as possible. Let's face it, cut a girl in half for 3 grand or mayyyyybe find a way to FAKE it for 50 dollahs. Thaz right, black art. Cheaper to make, but harder to perform with. Cest' la vie.

Then Darwin's inexpensive illusions book hits shelves in book and video format. Where you can make magic illusions out of kiddie pools and cardboard boxes. Woo!!

Now in the 21st Century we have (Dun dun dunnnn) Andrew Mayne!!! He's an inventor, writer, and movie maker!! He enables the poor, downtrodden, and otherwise un-rich magi of the world have a chance at parlor and stage magic. He is truly a demi-(moore)god.... or is he?

Starting with Mad Mojo, Solo X, and Illusion FX he made a name for himself with books about rational cheap ideas for performance. Then using his evil side, he made Mind FX and Shock Magic (Which was re-released bigger and probably without the spelling and graffics errors. I have the original myself. Haven't seen the new one.) Then he started making stuff like the pocket levitator & sawing in half, bisection, and face lifter. How to float, saw yerself in half, and take off yer head in very cheap ways.

This trend continues to his larger series of things like voodoo box and the newest Light Storm. With all of Andrew Mayne's products themselves you could put on a show that could easily be called "The Cardboard and Duct Tape Show" (Don't laugh we did a show like that once). Hell include the videos and books you have an hour show that you could decorate the stage like a back alley... which in today's society, that could sell.... hmmm.....

Anywho, the biggest qualm with this stuff is half the time there is no motivation or the effect only seems half thought our or half-assed. You would also think that someone with a film background would actually produce some demo videos for his products instead of crappy animated gifs. Could it be because he doesn't want you to see how bloody obvious some of them are? Hrm.. coooould be.

Don't get me wrong I have nothing against him, (Except he won't return emails), I just think he started bilking people when he knew he had made a name for himself by putting out some material that is less than stellar. He's not the only one who does it *cough*SaNkEy*cough* *cough*HeNrY eVaNs*cough* but that don't make it right. Seriously look at the voodoo box effect. Tell me that would fool ANYBODY. Just from the photo. It looks like a box with umbrellas sticking in it. Umbrellas are not that dangerous... but I have never been killed by one.

So basically hats off to you Mr. Mayne, but also a leery eyebrow at you and some of your items. You give poor kids hope for a better and cheaper show. Originality is a great thing, but...

There is always someone bitching right?

Bizzaro.

Who's been slacking off? Thaz right I have!!! Why? Because I am LAZY YOU DOLTS!! THERE I HAVE SAID IT. YOU HAPPY NOW!?

Ahem, I digress. I was talking with some kids the other day about magic, character, and material. I hear from a lot of people that they don't think they can do comedy just because they personally don't think they are funny. Therefore they try to play a straight character but even a straight man can be funny. Costello? Zeppo? Dean? All straight men but funny in their own right.

If you play a character who believes his own hype, but the hype is waaay out there like, "I will use my Jedi powers to make you see THIS!!! (insert amazing card maneuver here)" and you reeeeealy mean it, thaz funny. So just because you don't think you can be off the wall funny/ silly never fear!! There is hope for you yet!

By the way, yes my trip to CA went well. Much waffles to be had, experienced my first paintball game (Hazing is more like it), and visited Le Magic Castle once again and even performed two impromptu shows for fun. Do yourself a favor and go before you can't anymore.

Recently saw the Robin Williams HBO DVD. Watch this. Sure he sez about 50 zillion cuss words but fuk it, you only live once right? He is a prime example of the research someone should do into the field of entertainment. Always watch people in EVERY area of your business. Watch the pros at work, not just the magic acts. You just might learn something!!

So until next time it is 6:30 in the AM and I can't sleep, this is Bizzaro saying be true to who you are and go buy some shoddy merchandise!!

Bizzaro.