Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Bizzaro.'s Guide to Picking up Chicks with Magic

No one has won the MUTHERLODE contest sooooooo... because I love you all so very much I will extend it till Friday the 21st. I have gotten some good guesses, but the answer is right in plain site. Now onto the actual meat of the potatoes...

There is talk online from time to time about picking up girls with magic or how to talk to them and blah blah blah. Magic should NEVER be a substitute for YOU. Here are some tips should you encounter someone or.. something yer attracted to in the great wide world in front of you.

1. Don't start off ANY conversation with a girl that starts with "Pick a card, any card." This is not sexy. Not even if Johnny Depp did it. You might as well just walk right up to her and say, "Nice fuck want some shoes?" It will get you about as far.

2. In the same vein, don't ask them if they want to see a magic trick. Strike up a conversation in some more subtle way. Then work the conversation around to talk of hobbies or work or whatnot and slip it in that you dabble in magical entertainment or some crap like that. Let them come to you. If they are interested in you or your magic they will BE interested in you or want to see a trick and ask thusly. It's less forced and let's face it: There are no such things as stalkers, just hopeless romantics with restraining orders.

3. As told to me by Eric Mead, learn to talk about something other than MAGIC. Whut? That's crazy talk you're speaking dood!! There is more to the world than magic? Hate to break it to you, but yes virginia, there is. People are most interested in people... and yes even girls are people. Ok.. well MOST of them are.

4. Spread it out. (No not like that you perv) Don't overwhelm them with magic. If you actually get to the point where you are dating and doing dinner and stuff it's ok to do floating rose or whatnot on your first date.. but don't over do it. Then it's not special. Always leave them wanting more.

Now of course these few tips are not gospel and everyone will work their "magic" in their own ways. However, the biggest problem with doing magic for a girl too quickly is you move immediately to the friend ladder and as we all know it's a long fall into the abyss. You have to find that fine line between sexy dood, (or doodette, but let's face it, do girls need magic to pick up guys. In one word: Duh?), and funny magical friend guy.

Also one more little tidbit. Staring into some girls eyes and trying to read her mind or tell her what her card is isn't sexy unless yer on TV.

Even if you are a washed up old 80's rocker.

Bizzaro.