We went to the TAOM (Texas Association of Magicians) convention this weekend. Here is the VERY long report. Read it all or not. I dun care.


We got in thursday night and went to check out the hotel. Ran into some people I know. Twas fun just sitting around learning new in-jokes and talking shop. We eventually ended up at my good friend Claudia's. (And her roomates. None of them even read this so I won't mention Andrew and Mickey's name. No point.) Went to bed in a coooomfy bed. Woke up on...

Friday: Went to shell out mah 125$ to register and compete. I remember when this con used to cost 65$. Guess they realized they was getting screwed. Oh well. Wandered around the dealers room a bit, saw some more friends and fiends and watched Oscar Munoz' lecture. A pretty lax day. Went to the evening show which was plauged by bad technical difficulties.. mainly the techies sucked. I told Mischief that the evening shows were the best part and I think Friday was the dress rehearsal for SUCK!! The opening act damn near killed a dove, had some dumb as a rock assistants and wore a god awful powder blue tux thing. I couldn't tell if he was a girl or a guy from where I was.

So after apologizing to Mischief for the lackluster show and saying that the others would be ok we went back to the hotel and made nice with all of the magi's. Finally went back to Claudia's, (And Andrew's and Mickey's whom I am not gonna mention), and started to rehearse for the stage contest at 8 IN THE AM!! Don't they know real performers sleep in past noon? I guess not. Anywho, after Mischief went to bed I managed to forge.. er.. aquire him a badge for...

Saturday: 3 hours of sleep, up at 6:30 in the AM, and getting things ready to go kill ourselves on stage. Got to the theater and unloaded and awaited our turn in line. Killed time talking to two gals, one of which I have known for many years but never really talked to. (Found out she used to be scared of the scary guy in the trenchcoat. Go fig. She took photos and video of the act, so I'll have that up when I get it.)

It's out turn to go up, and we break out like mad men. Mischief hits me with that bat hard as hell and the chase is on. We're giving it our all. We try out new material with the living vent act, and show off a few new things in the weird routine. We're done, we're changed, someone taped the act.. thank god.

Honestly, we thought that the second contestant was gonna beat us. A very good manipulation with CD's act. Strong stuff. The other acts were.. intresting. Another CD act, with an unresolved ending, a few comedy acts, a dove act (real doves, not boxes of soap), and a female magi whose act has good potential and nice gams. Contest over, many compliments by people whose opinions I valued were given. We managed to even fool them with one of my pet effects, the scarf thru the hand.

Back to the hotel. We're tired as hell. We laze about, walk around, watch lectures.. good lectures too. Charlie Frye was an awesome guy and killer peformer. The man could hat trick Kelly into an orgasm. The close up show was ok up until the end and then it kicked ass with Shoot Ogawa (A very nice and funny performer in Japan), and Armando, a man whose act could fry your brain in one sitting. Brilliant stuff. Evenign show for Saturday was SUPERB. Eric Mead MC'd and did a helluvajob. The show opened with a young guy named Dan Sperry from Chicago (Where my heart is) with a dove act that was actually enjoyable. Others included Wayne Dobson, a man suffering from MS in a wheelchair but that didna stop him from having everyone in pain with laughter. Damn he was funny. One of the highlights was a guy with a TV act that KILLED. (I believe his name is Tony Chapek) Brilliant stuff, especially in reverse. Show was over and back to the hotel for more mingle.

Mischief went out to meet a girl and left me there to fend for myself in the lobby and was the last one there. Seeing Shoot Ogawa a tad drunk was amusing and watching performers talk, teach, and perform is always great. I crashed out in a chair until Mischief got there and we were on the way back to.. BAM!! WTF was that? A piece of Houston had taken a bite out of the car. Oil pan damaged, car smoking, losing power. It was like the damn cardassians hit the enterprise. (I can't believe I just said that) Luckily enuff Andrew came to the rescue to take me to get ready to be funny at 8 in the AM for the close up competition. Which leads us to..

Sunday: I get to the hotel in time to set up and get in line for my turn to perform. Three rooms to perform in. The first ROCKED, the second I think is where they were putting the deceased con-goers, and the third room was a bit lax but still fun. After that, I took an hour nap until Shoot Ogawa's lecture. Good times. Got some food thanx to the generosity of someone's mom. Then it was time to see if we won anything.

In a word, Nope. In two words, nadda thing. In three words, WTF!! The one person no one expected to win did. From what I heard everyone who WASN'T a judge thought we should have taken it, but it was some tuxedo clad young kid doing doves and card manip. Gee thaz original. His act was rough... this isn't just saying this cuz' he won. It's the 13 years of performing experince telling me this. The guy we thought was gonna win was MAD! Cest' la vie. We didna go to win merely perform and have fun.. and we did. The fact we were the most talked about act that competed made me happy. As for close up, many compliments abounded, but still I lost to Cups and Balls and glitter covered lemons. Second time to lose to a tux and cups and balls. No more competing in TX for me.

Evening show rocked as much ass. Mac King is a god. (To quote P&T) Arden James lives up to the hype and Charlie Frye is a juggling dynamo. Closed out with an illusions how from a Canadian couple who werne't too bad. Their last illusion was very nice.

Once again back to the hotel. Watching people do shots from a thumb tip was well worth the 300$ I had to shell out to help repair the car.

Bizzaro.

Talk Hard

For anyone who has ever seen Pump up the Volume then you know what that means. If you haven't I suggest you find a copy and watch it with great intent and determination. The message is clear even if you are not.

In the flick a young Christian Slater runs a pirate radio station that leads his local skool to a bit of a revelation and revolution about themselves and their life. He was their voice when no one else thought they had their own. Today we have something similar and who do we have to thank for it? Andy? Goldstein? Swiss? Nope.. that badly dressed nazi Steve brooks over at Magic Cafe. Now mind you in his defense he just runs the site and he has little mini-nazis who run the site more than he does. He's just the furor of his own little home. (As he likes to call it.) If it wasn't for the blatant dis-regard for the respect of free will and the freedom of speech then we would not have the freedom fighter we have today as it were.

Originally a guy (Whose name I forget) started a "I hate Brooks" page and that got kinda shut down quick, but it was in the spirit of these events that I found The Magic Circle Jerk and I was inspired to start my own rant page. Not because he did it but I just had never thought of a good place to write about my venomous opinion on magic. Thus here we are.

At the end of the aforementioned flick many others found their voice and became their own pirate radio. (Yah and Rosebud was a sled screw you.) the MCJ has started a trend I rather enjoy. From Atomic Brew to the more recent The GunnSight people are slowly announcing their disdain for the state magic is in today.

Brings a tear to my brain.. really. Regardless it's good for people to see magic is not just the shiny happy facade we put on for the crowd. Magic is full of performers and man lemme tell yah.. performers are freekin' bent individuals. In some way or another we are all outcasts and if someone isn't.. then they are just a prick with few friends anyway. Regardless we're all damaged. Deal with it. So raise your voices high and if you got something to say... say it. No one is gonna stop you cuz' the FCC and clear channel can't even touch us here... yet.

Talk Hard

Bizzaro.

Ever wonder how magic guys get them good looking chicks? Simple.. they have a solid gold penis. I don't mean the solid gold like that bad dance show but like Goldmember gold. God knows it's not their looks, money, or personality.. it can't be.

Seriously folks, how many times do you hear people like David Coppertone wax poetic about how, "I was picked on in skool, no one liked me, girls wouldn't talk to me, I was shy, I had to walk home uphill both ways, our father would kill us a half hour before we had to wake up and etc etc.", and thus they turned to magic like so many smack addicts (Not the Ramen, the drug.) Thus because no one hugged them enuff and the last time they were close to a woman's genitals was when they were born, magic became their outlet to personality. This is my theory as to why so many stage magicians are dripping with (Insert vulgar term for female genitalia here) onstage while yet still having NO viable personality on stage.

At least that is what it used to be. Now it's grown from not only that to the fact that in the 80's that became the acceptable idea of what stage illusion was like. (Besides, hot chicks, loud music, leather jackets, bad hair - Who wouldn't want that?) Not only that it has also crept into female magicians acts like Melinda and Connie Boyd. Oiled up biker looking guys prancing around stage playing the part of the estranged love interest. Way to be original there gals.. really.

Hell even the magic guys who love the kok use femmes in their stage show... and why not? Sex sells. Yer target audience is male, why not exploit them like so many strippers have before? Mind you there is a dynamic that when onstage is better between a male and female. Seeing two guys onstage cuddling up close after they walk thru a giant fan might be, for some, alluring... however to the general public and most of the south, it's a bit un-nerving.

So yah... magicians keep gurls around to feel better about themselves, see naked chicks backstage, find a date, find a wife, find themselves.... whatever the reason it boils down to one thing. You still have to pay them.

Who sez it doesn't pay to be a propstitute?

Bizzaro.

(Join me next time for my rant on the "Care and feeding of your white tiger." or "How to get out of a contract by wearing meat flavored underpants.")

What's in a name?

Sorry I haven't posted in a bit. Been kinda busy not paying attention to the site. (it's rough man.) Like I have said before, I dunno who reads this that often (Save for like two people who are friends. Yes I have friends. Not too many in the magic community, but still friends. I am prolly better off that way.) Regardless I don't want to just rant to rant. I want to do so when I have something to say. Preferably something new as well. I could repost about how much I think magic is a capitalist hell hole. I could yammer on and on about the lack of originality and personality in most magic acts.. but I think one post about that is good enuff... and if yer too damn lazy to find it and read it go read something that never gets stale.

Ever notice how people who call themselves exclusively a magician first and their name second or include the title magician in their name tend to be hobbyists. Usually people who are not serious enuff to live the lifestyle that comes with the ups and downs of the professional entertainment business?

Sure people like Lance Burton and Mac King call themselves magi's but you have to have a trade off. People still recognize the title magician and all that it entails. You say entertainer they think yer a stripper. You say artist they think yer broke. You say mime.. well you just get laughed at but thaz asides the point. Lance and Mac still use their real names and people recognized that because they had good enuff character or originality or charm to get past the title magician. Also publicists just put magician in the title of anyone who does magic. It sells. It's easy.

The point is many of the people who are hobbyists make that the main attraction. The magic done by a magician. Not magic done by so-and-so. It's when yer name carries more power than your occupation that you are on yer way to becoming a serious presenter of the arts in which you love.

Too many names and faces are interchangeable. Make sure that yer one that will stay in their minds... forever.

Bizzaro.

Why do I hate the internet and magicians who aren't on the up and up with their audience? Let me share with a conversation with a fellow who messaged me recently..

Magicdewd: I am a close-up and street magician
Magicdewd: I perform hit and run magic like David Blaine

Ok the first sentence is fine, the second makes me want to kill people. It is because of guys like Blaine, (but mostly Blaine himself), that make people think it's ok to screw with strangers on the street. You bother the wrong guy in the wrong part of town yer gonna get a non-color changing knife in the gut. Anywho..

Magicdewd: I like snowstorm in china and crushed and resurrected can

Well yah who doesn't? Wait.. Snowstorm in China is a street trick? Did I miss a memo? Isn't that called littering. In Texas we KILL people who do that. Remember that whole don't mess with TX campaign? Yah that wasn't working so now they have road side snipers set up in some places to take out people who litter. We import them from Canada because Canadians are good at two things - Hockey & sniping.

By the way when he said crushed and resurrected can he meant Anders Moden's Healed & Sealed that Blaine performed and then was ripped of numerous times by unscrupulous magicians all over the world. I corrected him on his usage of the phrasing and his response?

Magicdewd: i gave it a new name

Well thaz nice of you to do. I am sure the inventor appreciates that! So lessee what else amuses me at 7 in the AM about this. He sez he puts the can under a bench and waits for someone to sit down.

Magicdewd: I arrive dressed as a street cleaner pick up the can and pick it up saying isn't disgraceful how people litter
Magicdewd: Then i magically heal and seal it and walk away drinking it
Magicdewd: (insert annoying laughing smiley icon thing here)
Magicdewd: The look on their face

He told me he doesn't do this for money just to amuse himself basically. I can dig that.. but dressing up like a street worker? Isn't that also illegal? The thing that almost made me shake my head was this revelation that is usually spouted by people who are fux0red on drugs and booze and find jeebus in a hotel drawer. (In Las Vegas the Gideons put porn mags in our drawer... thaz Vegas for you I guess.)

Magicdewd: i was depressed, i almost committed suicide
Magicdewd: buut then i found magic

Granted it's not nice to make fun of that, but I doubt he will see this, and I did change the name so no one knows who it is. Regardless, I am sick of magic being too readily accessible to people who just wanna do it as a hobby and not treat it seriously. I have complained about this many times in these rant pages and I will continue to do so until I tire of it or I take my own life with a set of linking ropes.

Please people, it's like inbreeding.. yer not only hurting yourself but others around you.

Bizzaro.

And now time for "I have nothing to say so let's talk about strippers!!!"

Ok actually I do have something to say about that actually regarding magic. A lot of people are of the opinion that strippers are worthless and sluts and whores. (Pot, kettle, something about a dark color.) Anywho, hanging out in the alternative scene you meet a great many people who are of the theory, "If they are stupid enuff to give me the money I am gonna take it." The story usually goes that they are dancing to make money for college. This is usually a half truth. It's for college and smack. (Not the Ramen) However I actually know a few who REALLY don't drink or drug it up but really do dance for skool cash.

Ok enuff of the history of exotic dancers, (What a pritty way to say "Girl who gets nekkid for cash" hunh?), because I do have a point. Lemme find it. (looks around) ah there it is... ok so yer looking for a magic assistant who will work cheap, is comfy on stage, and isn't afraid to wear the cloth equivalent of kleenix. Well you could try yer local college theater group and end up with some prima donna bitch who wants to be paid for she is a serious artiste. Yah whatever. Why not find a stripper? They have all you want and more!! (Assuming more means silicone. I recommend not using that substance in yer magic act unless it's in yer d'lites.)

So yah thaz my point. Yah need someone to do magic with you. Visit a few strip clubs, study the gals, talk to them, pay them for having to talk to you, and then see if they wanna work for yahz. Who knows in the end you might even find a life partner.

Now gimmie a lap dance... I have a pizza.

Bizzaro.

Moichendising!!!

First off everyone should listen to more Billy Joel to mellow out if you are too uptight. This however has nothing to do with my post here. I am all about shlepping products that bear your moniker to promote yourself. I have been known to dabble in it from time to time myself. However, I think putting out something just because A: you know it will sell and B: it only slightly ties into your show is a bit egotistical. If it were done as a joke then that would be fine but as we all know, and I have said far too many times, magic is about capitalism more than entertainment nowadays. Again, this isn't true in everyone in magic, but there are too many cases for it that against it. (I am making NO friends in magic with this blog I just know it.)

So before you give your seal of approval to yer marketing team for cute plushy inflatable easily burnable flashy light up anythings... consider your integrity. That is.. if you haven't sold it on eBay for a can of cheeze wiz and some crackers.

Bizzaro.

Every so often I like to see what is new in magic to see if someone has created something I might can use for my own nefarious little purposes. I am always amused...
 
(there was a buncha funny stuf f here but Blogger ate it so I am just gonna make my point without examples for now.)

I don't think this post had a point except try to remember, yer new magic product is not as kool as you think it is so don't over charge for it. Just because YOU think it's a clever name doesn't mean everyone will. Try not to dress like a fop. That has nothing to do with marketing.. just trust me on this.
 
Bizzaro.

As a proponent of females in magic and not perpetrating a stereo type I am torn on performers like this. I am glad to see someone using their talents and knowledge of herpetology, but even snake handlers can't escape the humdrum use of overplayed illusions such as Origami and sawing in half.


Just because you make the box look like something else doesn't change the fact it's the same damn thing everyone else has been doing for years.. but hey it makes money. Art is never cheap... However not everything is art. I dunno what the difference between helping an image and hurting one is.. but I can sure trace a thin line around it when I see it.

Bizzaro.

A few posts back I talked about a fellow magicians website and the attacks made on his video by the less than professionals in magic. So I was recently scouring the web for amusement and ended up at a few sites that needed help.

First off, if you are going to have a magic website there are a few ground rules to cover. First, try to have a theme that is solid throughout. Fonts, colors, designs, etc. Now the logos and buttons are pretty straight on thru and thru. However there are a few pages where my eyes kinda cross. (More so than usual) Second, learn the age old theory of negative/positive space. Too much white and not enuff text or photos looks.. well, bad.

Ok design crapola aside let's discuss magic content on a website. If yer gonna have photos make sure you can tell exactly what is going on and that people know which one you are. (It also helps to not have them taken with a good camera.) Also don't put photos of you with magicians no one knows. You have to have something to keep their attention and keep it fresh so they keep coming back for more. The more exposure the more it sticks in their memory.

The biggest problem I have seen on most sites is lack of content and poor layout. Also if you have too much to choose from, no one will really know WHAT you do. "Is he a birthday guy? Can he do stage shows? Is he a good close-up guy?" Sure it has all of these options so the answer is yes... but what exactly does he do? It's good to have a focus and direction. I have seen worse tho'. (Also, far too lazy to hunt down a link for an example. Bite me.)

Now to all of you, if you insist to make your own website or get it made for you, at LEAST drop some cash on someone who knows what they are doing. Of course if you think you know what yer doing, get some honest opinions. Also splurge on some good photos. Nice promos, good live shots, something.

If you want a good book check out This book and it's sequel and the website of the same name. It's good for do's and dont's of various natures.

Just trying to help.. I swear.

Bizzaro.

You know, there are many things that confuse me about magic. Such as why in the world someone would want to be a complete bastard to those in their field of work. It can and will come back to bite you in the ass. I know this, I have seen it done. In a field where you have to put on a happy face and be socially acceptable to a crowd, how can you be someone who steals, bad mouths, and otherwise just isn't a nice person behind closed doors? I don't get it...

In other news: Magic inventors... stop making trick decks of cards!!! You are confusing the poor little up and coming magi's of the world. I remember the day I decided to use nothing but the invisible deck and actually learn card magic, it not only made me a better magician, but kept me out of magic shops and therefore had more money. The best two skills to learn in magic is the art of improv. Not just comedy style, but the ability to play off your environment and those around you. ALWAYS take advantage of a situation if you can. The second is related to the other: Impromptu. Being able to do magic with anything at any time. The Dan Harlan videos released some time ago are well worth the pick up for this skill.

So the moral of the story is be able to do magic at a moments notice, be entertaining and go with the flow at the drop of a hat, and don't be a prick.

It'll make all of our lives that much easier.

Bizzaro.

How can you tell a magic effect is really shitty? There are a few ways. The first, and most popular is to buy it. Ah yes, nothing beats opening a new magic toy and discovering you paid 25$ for a hole in a card box and a rubber band. Hey is my magic closet hungry? The other is a review in a magic magazine, but let's face it you are then subject to many of their own personal bias. Not a reliable way, but still is something to consider.

What about those who can't see them performed live or get their grubby little paws on them? There is the magic of the internet. (The very same magical place that leads you to flowery little fucking websites such as this. Sure it's a little bit of profanity, but if you don't like it don't read it. Welcome to the 21st century. We're a bit more ruff and tumble here. Just be glad you missed the 70's.) Now here you can see videos, photos and read golden laced descriptions of the newest effects that no podunk behind a magic counter could ever spew yer way.

Now let's say someone produces an effect that, despite the fact it makes no damn sense to put a picture frame over yer head or sell it for 100+ bucks, looks cool. "Wow I wonder how that looks in actual performance?" Well tough all you get is a crappy animated gif. It astounds me that someone who will make a high quality for a piece of chain can't toss together a mediocre video of their newest release. What does this tell me? It sez to me, "Gee this magic effect might not be that good if they can't bring themselves to actually show it in performance." What are they trying to hide?

Mind you if you are not adept enuff to realize that anyone who uses an animated gif, (Especially when you are a film student who actually owns the equipment.), and see the video and the effect STILL looks like shite might wanna pass it up y0. The biggest problem in magic today is people creating for the sake of money. The internet has made it far too easy for us to get it faster and cheaper. Sadly, that negates using a lot of yer higher brain functions. Things such as, "Do I really need this?", "Does it fit my style?", or "Why in the hell should I pay 50$ for rubber coin that I have to dust with silver powder?".

Too many questions and even more unscrupulous bastards trying to take advantage of you and yer hard earned cash. Use your brains. Don't believe the hype.

Bizzaro.

Idiots akimbo. Thaz all I have to say. If yer gonna be into magic A: Don't be so damn gullible. B: Do yer homework (not the skool kind. That's useless. I mean research yer craft) and 3: Don't believe everything you read, see, or hear. What am I talking about? Well thaz easy enuff. Over at The Hive of Scum and Villainy a website was posted about a mage who happened to, as a joke mind you, say he invented ambitious card. I laughed, I cried, I watched in many times more.

Many complain he is awful, dry, un-original, and the like. Good thing he is not trying to pander to amateurs in his field. If he has the money to make a good website and a professional video like that, he must be doing something right. Hey naysayers.. where is YOUR website and video?

Magicians amuse me, when they dislike something they start petty arguments and threads and lawsuits about it. They get up in arms about something they dun like and therefore draw more attention to it. Remember: No such thing as bad press? If you dun like it, don't link to it (Unless to make fun of it cuz' they deserve it *cough*MaGiCaFe*cough*), don't speak of it, don't think about it. This works in life AND magic. Don't be negative people. It only brings you and the others around you down.

Also, get a damn sense of humor.. geez. Vaudeville Aces? I like it. Yer double lift? Looks like crap.

Bizzaro.

Ever seen a root beer float?

With today's magic products you can. I remember the first time I saw a dollar bil float in front of me. I wigged the fuk out. I seriously had no idea. I bought the trick and learned of invisible thread. Totally new to me. (This is when the Sorcery Shoppe had released the ITR's that were about 6-8 inches long and had a strong resemblance to a crack pipe. That's where the real magic comes from kids.)

Before that we had thumbtips with suction cups on them. (Universal floating gimmick my ass) The only thing that is worth is showing it as a comedy bit. The idea is a good one tho'. So thus we have progressed from suction tips to ITR's to Thread Bosses to.. well add infinitum. Pocket Levitator (Sounds like a vibrator to me), Wild levitation, Zero Gravity, King Rising, Fearson's Floating, The Elevator, and the most recent I have seen: On Thin Air. (Which is thus far my fave personal levitation.)

When Peter Loughran came out with the Elevator to battle the over exposure of the Balducci that Blaine made oh so trendy, many people were split on the Elevator Gimmick. Some liked it, some hated it. For a price tag of 100$ it was a bit much for what you got. Some of them sold on Ebay, some became closet fodder. The idea had a few flaws in presentation, but even the flaws surpassed the flaws of others. Almost angle proof, height controllable more or less, and no weight limit. (Mind you none of them have ever had that but..) However the issue of clumsy people with no balance came to light as did the fact you were "kind of" restrained by wardrobe.

So as always evolution and necessity nursing invention, someone has taken this idea step further by eliminating many of the flaws the Elevator had. No more bending down to "Stretch", you can immediately turn around, and not be wearing a jacket or coat. I hear Loughran is working on an add on to the original Elevator to make it better. Sometimes inventors don't spend enuff flight time with their products to improve them before release. It's like a service pack for Windows. Shouldn't you have caught this ahead of time?

Maybe less drive for money and more drive for quality is needed aye?

Kinda an update: If you wanna see not only the amusement factor of how hobbyists and semi-pros get into it go over to the Den of Silly People to see info about some current levitations.

"I saw the sign and it opened up mah mind" - Ace of Base

Ok sorry couldna help it. I lost my electronic rating pen to that song. No that is not some weird metaphor for my virginity, I really left it in a car when that song came out. Besides I have way better metaphors for losing one's virginity... but this isn't sex talk with Bizzaro, it's magic rants. So let's rant about magic shall we?

When you perform, do you have your name visible anywhere? I don't mean so much for walk around, but for stage work. If you want to be remembered you first have to let them know who you are. Just telling them don't work. People today have the attention span of a horny hummingbird. Especially with the increased use of liquor and recreational drugs, people have a memory so full of holes you can drive PT Cruisers thru them. So you have to make sure some part of you stick with them for at LEAST 24 hours so it goes to long term memory.

To be remembered you have to be memorable. You have to do at least ONE thing that will blow them away in some way. Whether it is over the top, magical as hell, or scares them where they sit. You MUST make an impact. Find that one impact, and you will have them. A friend of ours was tired of the audience leaving saying, "That was so nice and great. Thank you". They are more looking for "That was bloody AWESOME!!". The only way to achieve that is to be bad ass. It's a cut throat world in magic. There is no need to stab people in the back or steal if you are good enuff to stand out from the rest of the magical world.

Remember.. BE the ball...
Bizzaro.

"She seems to have an invisible touch" - Phil Collins

I am sure I have remarked about this before, but I am too lazy to go back and look. It amuses me that we spend so much time practicing moves that are meant to be totally invisible to the human eye. Mind you they are not invisible, just go under a persons radar cuz' shuffling is such a secondary action to most people. Hell some are even 4th and 5th actions. No one cares...

Hey that's good tho'. Mind you it's when you get flashy with it like a sybil cut that it starts to look odd, but that is a bit of an extreme example. Take for instance the Heinstein Shuffle. A great move recently released into the wild. (I say recently as in the last 10 years mind you.) It's a false shuffle in the air. Complete with a bridge and everything. (The move not an actual structure.) It is a great piece as it is an auditory illusion as much as it is visual. You hear those cards make the noise they should make when they are bridged. Even when done poorly, it fools people. It's called conditioning.

People don't question what they expect or are familiar with. This is why false shuffle, cuts, and controls go undetected usually. People expect to see cards shuffled and they have NO clue the intricacies that we go thru to hide the fact we are making cards move around that deck. Passes, cards steals, all of it. Invisible if done right or misdirected properly.

The worst part is, we work our butts off to perfect something that we feel so damn proud about getting down because it is so damn clever, and we can't show anyone but other magicians. I would love to tell people, "This is so cool!! Look I can pretend to shuffle a deck but not really like this!" and their response will be something like, "Thaz nice". Only we care and in some cases.. We don't. We're so proud of ourselves when we pull these moves off and get them right past someone else. Sounds like magical masturbation to me....

If it feels good, do it.

Bizzaro.

Flourisher vs. Magicians.. who will win?

Well it's not really even a contest. It's like comparing competitive cup stackers to dice stackers. Similar but totally different. Flourishes are showings of obvious skill and practice. Magicians practice m oves that are meant to be undetectable. (No matter how cool they are and how much we wanna show people.) Where is the proper place to use them?

Well if yer the Buck Twins, you will just do pretty much everything as a flourish even yer magic stuff. Same for most of the wanks on other websites that shall remain nameless. Not to say this is a bad thing, but after a while it just gets dull and distracts from proper performing protocol. Now when you are a good sleight of hand guy and a good flourisher should you combine the two? Well that depends...

If you were a whiny little twerp who wasn't hugged a lot you are prolly doing magic for the attention and prolly love the flourishy stuff cuz' someone will FINALLY pay some bloody attention to you. However, what if yer magic is not that good, but your flourishes are good. You are hurting yourself and magic, because people do not separate the two. Good with cards, bad with magic. Eh, cards = magic. So unless you don't suck don't do both. Also, if you show too much proclivity with a deck of cards they will obviously think you are just a really good sleight meister and while this is cool to you, it gives them an easy out for which to explain away the magic of what they have just experience.

If you are a bit more natural with the cards, it will come off as a more everyday thing that even they could do. Now I am not saying don't do ANY flourishy stuff, but try not to get CRAZY with it ok? I do one or two fancy shuffles but they take about 2 seconds. everytime I see a cut sequence that takes up 5+ seconds of my life I am already un-interested, but thaz just me. I know from experience many will just feel yer showing off, especially if you suck at the magic tricks or are a dull performer. Practice good performance technique before you send hours sitting alone in yer room playing with yerself.. and a deck of cards.

and watch out for them nasty paper cuts.. ouch!!

What do you call a guy with no arms, and no legs hanging on a wall?

MAT!!

Get it? Mat.. it's a .. it's a joke. Please put down the weapons. Ok so recently on a magic board I slip in and out of, I saw a talk about a certain type of Close-up Pad. Now I always thought that walking up to a table in a restaurant, whip out a rubber foam mat thing and then perform card and coin magic.

Now to us (magicians) this is a common and natural thing. Mind you to us natural is relative. I personally will learn something that can be done in the air first, then modify it for table use if need be. I never expect to have a nice foamy soft clothlike surface to perform on... and neither should you. All of these great sleights you can do, but only on a close-up pad. Thaz a damn shame that you don't have yer little mat here now and all is this glass table. Amaze me now monkey boy!!

Now the good people can do it anywhere and anyway they want. (like porn stars) However, relying on a rolled up colored little stage seems a bit silly to me. Of course carrying it with you in yer back pocket just screams GEEK to me but then again.. so do most card tricks.

I won't even go into the guys you see at magic conventions on the floor doing shadow coins or any of their many variations. They look great sure, but being on yer knees at perfect fellatio height does NOT make me think professional. I don't care how good you are... learn it on a hard wood table and I will be impressed.

Bizzaro.

Is magic real?

I have been asked this a few times in my life. There is the urge to say, "Yes it is and I am an all powerful wizard. Ignore that man behind the curtain!!" but I can never bring myself to say that. It's unfair to people for us to try and REALLY purvey ourselves as masters of the unknown when people ask. If they assume that's ok. It's like the gutter of a comic book. They fill in the blanks like a fucked up Mad Libs game.

However when the jig is up andthey are asking you that fateful query, "Is magic real" to set their little confused minds at ease what do you say? I mean really. If you say yes then yer an asshole. I know it's our job to fool people and entertain them, but when they wanna be less freaked out and make sure all is right with the world there is no need to OUTRIGHT lie to them. What we do is real in a sense but not in the way people think.

I never have had a GREAT answer to this until now. I don't want something that sounds like a cop out and I sure don't wanna lie to someone about something so out there. How do we get around this you ask? By putting the decision right squarely on them. When they ask that question, answer them as honestly as you can....

It's as real as you want it to be.

Bizzaro.

(Of course if they still ask, "No really is it?" then just tell them yes because they deserve that for pestering you. hee hee)

Are you trying to control me?

A lot of younger magician types are always asking about the best card controls, passes, and the like. Now stay with me on this, but what if there was no passes or double undercuts? How would you control a card? Why does it even mater that much?

We forget that we don't have to be as sneaky as we think we are. Sure you put that card in there. But then you cut the deck all funky. I know he knows where that card is. Now what if you slid that card right in the middle of the deck, no cutting or anything. Now you have something interesting... but only a bit. You see when we force card tricks upon people they know we are gonna, more than likely, find their chosen card. It's not how well we do it, but how we do it. Hunh? Lemme explain.

Card selected, lost in deck, cards thumped, card on top. Mildly amazing, zero entertainment. Now try the same start, but find that card in your zipper. Pretty amazing, funny as hell and unexpected!! Magic is about entertainment, not moves. Sure the pass is effective.. when it's called for. Double undercuts look retarded. Use a top change or slip force as a card control. Who's gonna know? Start thinking like a mundane. Pretend you don't know the world elmsley count, injog, or even shitzu. Why kill yourself working on an invisible move no one is ever gonna see anyway? I think you SHOULD learn the moves, but not rely on them. Open your mind up to new ideas. People don't know what we're doing or even pay attention. It's that last bit you need to work on. I don't care if yer LePaul pass is the best around, if I am not smiling at the end I'm lighting you on fire.

Bizzaro.

David Blaine is an Asshat

You know it's funny. I started this Blog as an idea I gleaned from another mage type guy... ish. (Whose link can be seen on the right. I'm too tired to html it in right now. Bite me.) I have NO clue how many read this. It could be ONE guy it could be 25.. it could be any number of people. I don't advertise it very much because my opinions are very brash and all of my own thinking. (Free thinking is frowned upon in some magic circles.) So that means I have been writing in this thing for almost half a year. (I'm not there yet but I am close.. hmm that sounded dirty.) I don't know if anyone cares what I write, values my opinion, or takes it to heart.. and you know what? I don't really care. This is for me to get these thoughts out of my head and maybe, just maybe, educate someone.. thru the charming power of hate.

So that brings me to tonight's little rant and rave. David Blaine is an Asshat. Yes that's right. The mulatto looking, down syndrome talking, video editing mofo that he is has given certain types of magic a bad name... but only to us. That's right, only the magicians give two tugs of a dead dog's kok about David Blaine or what he does on TV. Sure sleeping in a clear death trap was frowned upon by mage and layperson alike, (There has to be a better word than layperson... I personally always liked "Mundanes"), but his TV shows, books, and god help us if he ever puts out his own salad dressing, sells. Why is this? Is it the fact that he is far more attractive than anyone else. ("Not good looking for the world, but good looking for a magician" - Penn Jillette) Could it be the fact he did something groundbreaking? Could it possibly he has the slimiest pack of production crew I have seen in some time... ummmmmmmmm could be.

I have no problem with this wanker. Never met him. He might be a nice guy. I'll never know. (I am sure the girls that he and Leo double team think he's very nice.) However I think his ideals are misplaced. He uses video editing to omit important parts of a routine. Ok so thaz fine, but don't have someone say, "This is EXACTLY what you would see if you were here right now". It comes off a bit hypocritical. Also the lousy flotation editing... that chapped my ass worse than anal sex. (Mind you I have nothing to compare that to. I am just assuming.) I don't wanna hear from ANYBODY, "Well they were just representing what it looks like to people in their minds". My ass. It's TV. Don't exploit people for your ratings and good name. I know it's our job to lie to people but damn. Have you no morals... or did someone buy them from you for a pretty penny?

Then there is his Hay-'suess complex. Raising the dead, feeding the hungry and poor.. what's next fishes and loaves? There is something evil behind his eyes and you can spot it. In his first special when he is walking towards a child in the distance. Lighthearted Magician.. or child molesting kidnapper? You be the judge. I think the biggest problem I have is that he glorified street magic as a person to person performance and while you can make money that way, a real street performer either robs you blind with three card monte or gathers a large crowd via a small stage show. Ok so why is this bad you ask? The kids these days. They believe what they are told more now than ever. TV, internet, and print has more hold on their reality than ever it did. They think this is the way to perform street magic. There was once a time when this was no big deal. Kids doing shabby magic for a birthday party or skool show. Not a lot of harm done that wasn't already there. Now it's gone to the streets. Out in public places, approaching people dressed like a street bum trying to freek them out. David Blaine gets away with it cuz' HE has a video camera and production crew. You are emulating that which you do not have and also what you do not know. It takes YEARS of practice to perform a trick for someone, and only a few seconds to ruin it for all the rest of us. Please stop sucking in public. Take it indoors away from everyone else. Stop believing everything you see on TV and the net. Research things, educate yourself, and PAY THE HELL ATTENTION TO THE WORLD AROUND YOU!!!

You're not David Blaine which means yer not an Asshat. You don't wanna be an Asshat do you? I didn't think so...

Bizzaro.

Gee if I am gonna get accused of something I might as well do it right? Recently I decided to ask the boys over at www.superhandz.com about a thing they do with fire in one of their videos. They retorted with something along the lines of "Why should we support someone who doesn't support us?" and accused me of constantly bashing them on many magic forums. Funny thing is I don't recall doing this.. especially constantly. I went back and looked at any of the places I post a lot, and found ONE post about how well this guy De'vo did his music and video editing. I recall making a remark somewhere about not caring for a video about nothing but flourishes as it's not my style. (I prolly made a remark about it being magical masturbation too... but tell me it isn't.. seriously?) However I can't find that post ANYWHERE!

So when I told them I didn't know what they were talking about, (Including a true statement about it not being a ploy, I really didna know what the hell they were talking about.), they replied with a rather snide comment about playing games and me having amnesia. They also included a remark about not talking to me about it anymore. Thus I emailed them back once more to tell them I think they're BS was unfair and un-professional and good luck to them. They of course in turn only emailed me back to say good luck as well.

Ok so this is what I gleaned about whoever this Lars guy is.. One, he is the type who has to get the last word in. Two, he and his gang of finger goobers obviously think they are hot shit cuz' they can light cards on fire and spin card fans underwater. (hey got news for you, it's not as impressive since they stick together being made of paper and all of that.) Three, they think that one or two comments exclaiming my point of view is constantly bashing someone in multiple forums. So basically they sit on the internet to pimp their products and monitor forum conversations closely.

I try to make this thing as little about me as possible, but this one time I had to speak my mind and also say this...
If you little wankers think that yer hot because the only talent you have is making up extreme card flourishes, come to my town and talk shit to my face. Easy to hide behind a computer screen and make accusations isn't it? Have fun in yer narrow minded little land and if you want to accuse me thaz fine. After this post I fully expect it now. At least you have a reason yah tossers.

That outta do it. So allow me to say don't go to their website (Which I will not link to) and do not buy their products because one person with a big head has spoken for all of them. Obviously a very important person..... whoever he is?

Bizzaro.

Ok so normally this is about magic but today it's about fire and the wacko's who play with it. Mind you I am not discounted from this, but what I do is different and I'll tell you why. (Yah sure it's a magic page, but it's my magic page so bite me.)

A lot of people do fire in two ways. One is fire eating, fire breathing. The other is called poi or staff. There is technically a third too. These are the people who make toys that light on fire such as big metal fans, claws, or somesuch and just kinda dance around with them. Many of these people are what one might refer to as pyro's. They like to light stuff on fire as well as play with it. These are the people who get SO into it they think about it in a deeper sense waaaaaay too much. Some might call it obsessed. (Others might just call it having issues)

Sure we use a lot of fire, but we use it for the sole purpose of entertaining others and putting on a good show. The problems arise when these other people start trying to teach other people how to play with fire. Usually having just learned it in the last 6 months they start showing other people. I'm sorry ,but in 6 months or even a year you are NOT gonna learn all the little nuances that go into fire performance and safety. If I teach anyone, I show them not how, but WHY it works. Also what fuels to stay away from, how to store it, and all the safety that should go into fire handling so you don't fuck up and burn yer face off. So please, if yer a pyro don't teach others unless you are damn sure yer not gonna get them and you killed. Thanx.

Bizzaro.

Novelties? You know a novelty store here carries sexual toys because in TX yah can't sell Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel-does... unless they say cake topper on them. I live in a strange state yah know? Not just denial either.

It seems a damn shame that in today's society certain "Attributes" will get you more noticed than others. Perhaps it's the fact yah got no legs. Maybe yah have two heads. Hell, it could even be something as simple as just having breasts. Now while some of you may think that last one is not a novelty, it depends where you are. In a prison yer very popular. Now picture those same inmates in tuxedos. Now put them on a stage. I think you get the point. If yer a girl doing magic you are indeed a novelty. Sad as it may be, you can either try and fight it or embrace it.

Ok so you don't have to embrace it, wrap yer legs around it, and then start grinding on it like Melinda did. However, if you know that is why you will be hired and not because of your original material or stage personality give it time. All novelties wear off. Once the afterglow goes away and if yer good enuff and strong enuff, then only YOU will remain. The fact you have mammary glands will not mean a damn thing. If yah got it.. flaunt it. But flaunt it wisely.

"It's ok to be manipulated, as long as you know yer being manipulated." - Drake Mallard

Bizzaro.

How do you dress your stage? Not like in crenoline or velvet yah silly people. What are your props aside from your tables? Do you have items that are all your own? Things that make you recognizable? If not.. think about it. Let's talk continuity. Do your tables, props, costume, music, and assistants all fit in to your show.. or is it a mishmash of oddly colored boxes and store bought wal-mart brand dress? Repaint them boxes, have someone with taste tailor make your performance outfits and for the love of god stop playing that Bon Jovi song to do rope magic to... and while yer at it get a haircut yah pansy!!!

Ok ok seriously, let's talk about your helpers. Are they just.. kinda... there? Could you say your assitants are part of your show.. or just props? Let's face it just because a person has arms and legs does not make them have a personality. If they are just there to bring you things, hold trays, and do your bidding then they are as good as a table with wheels to you. Make them part of the show. Give them, (And while yer at it, yourself), a personality. People enjoy something they can relate to on a personal basis way more than just a guy in a baggy suit producing livestock for cheap applause. (I got news for you buddy, they are applauding that rabbit... not you.) So don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys.. no wait.. don't let your show fall into mediocrity because you don't have a clue. Get one... and a haircut.

Bizzaro.

Till' Death Device do us part...

Relationships and magic. A touchy subject whot? Will you get involved with a gal who TOLERATES what you do? Perhaps find solace with someone who wants to learn. (Good luck on that one) Did you find your wife or girlfriend with the express purpose of looking for a new magic assistant? Did you marry your magic assistant?

If you can answer any of these questions then today's post will be relevant to you. I know a great deal of magi who are intertwined with fambly and ankle biters. This places a whole new twist on your life. More money is needed for mouths to feed. More space is needed for more crapola. Those dreams of a world tour.. most likely GONE!!! Generally your significant other will become part of your business whether they like it or not. From wardrobe, to business, to talent, you never know. Of course in some cases your kids will be part of the show too. Magic is a family affair... which can be a bad thing in some cases.

We use or loved ones because why? Thaz right they are cheap labor. They work for love... SUCKERS!!! However this leads to problems. Marital bliss spiraling down? Looks like you need a new assistant (or stage manager, or seamstress, or.. whatever.) Accidentally hurt them onstage? Yer ass is sleeping on the couch tonight. It's tough to work with the ones we see naked on a regular basis. Ok so that is if they work for us/ with us... now what about the girlfriends.. BEFORE you commit yourself.

Sometimes we use magic to attract others. (like a fan of cards is equal to a peacock's tail feathers or something?) It's an ice breaker and confidence builder. Lowers defenses and humor acclimates anyone quickly. (Assuming yer funny and not just funny looking.) However once the novelty wears off, thaz when they start in with "Why don't you get a real job?" or something like that. Ah yes, so much for the afterglow. If anyone ever asks you to get a real job and stop that silly magic stuff or they are leaving, tell them to pick a card and then say, "Was yours the don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out"? and wave goodbye with a card fan. A good significant other is supportive of your dream and not selfish to their own. Let's face it artists are not easy to date and it takes a LOT or patience to even wanna consider being with a magician for long periods of time.

So the moral of today's story is don't date anyone who doesn't like what you do or just simply "puts up with it". Also if you plan on having a serious magic career DON'T have kids. Not until you can support a fambly. Seriously. I have seen too many go down that path.. and now that path is strewn with bills and not magic. I'm just here for your own good..

Bizzaro.

Sure I don't post that much but trust me you would get pretty sick of me rambling on over and over again about nothing.. so I wait until I have something to say. Today's subject is that on getting away with stuff. By stuff I mean magic and by magic I mean mostly, but not limited to, card tricks. So if you like cards read on, if you like coins.. stick around there is some other stuff at the end.

So check it, David Regal.. a very well known card guy, is technically only an amateur magician. Yah!! He actually has a REAL job!! He is a comedy writer. Magic is a supplemental income. (Because let's face it even comedy writing is held in higher regard as a real job than magic.) Well he is a thinker in magic.. and when I say think I mean this man uses so many pre-set decks that if you were to do 5 of the tricks that really kill on his tapes you would to deck switch about 3-4 times. So regardless of that he is one of them guys who really needs to get out more, but is a damn fine magi.

A while back he released an effect called Sudden Deck. Great idea. Empty card box. Fair enuff. Can we see it from the side to make sure it's REALLY flat and empty? No? Why not? Oh ok so yer gonna unfold it.. wait.. I can't put my finger on it but something about the inside of that box isn't right... hmm.. he must be trying to FOOL US!!! BURN THE WITCH!!! Ahem.. anyway, you get the idea. (And if not watch the bloody video up there.) Now there are two thoughts on this in my head.

The first one is, "Well hell it's magic and no one really notices this stuff anyway right?" Well maybe so. I mean when it comes to blatant moves and ideas I am a big advocate of do it right in their faces they will never notice. Try this sometime, have a person sitting down sign a card, control it wherever, then ask them to stand up. As they do toss the card on the seat they were sitting on. By the time they turn around, it looks like the card appeared under their butt. BUTT MAGIC I TELL YOU!!! So yes take advantage of people's ingnorance.. by all means. However DON'T insult their intelligence.

Someone is BOUND to notice that card box has THREE big sides. Anyone with any knowledge in basic science/ physics will notice that the box swings like there might be something in it. Which brings me to number dose... (I am too lazy to look up the spanish spelling of that word, but I'll type out a sentence won't I? hoo boy lookit me go!!) Why would any thinking person try to be THAT blatant and present it in such a way that looks hokey. I mean sure it works, and it fools people but in the back of their head, in that little puzzle solving bit of the subconscious their Bullshit MeterTM is going off. They dunno where, they dunno when.. but something is not right? Why take that chance? Why have them distracted by that? After this effect was released I worked up a method that you can show front and back. Why don't I market it then? Well for one I am not a money grubbing magic inventor. There is already enuff crap on the market as is to confuse people. (Trust me I know I used to sell a lot of it.)

So um.. for you coin guys.. go..um.. buy my book that has a coin trick in it. Until next time, keep magic simple.

Bizzaro.

ANDREW MAYNE IS A DOG!!!

But only if yer dyslexic.

Ever since magic became popular in the hands of mere mortals, there has been a struggle to make magic for cheap as possible. Let's face it, cut a girl in half for 3 grand or mayyyyybe find a way to FAKE it for 50 dollahs. Thaz right, black art. Cheaper to make, but harder to perform with. Cest' la vie.

Then Darwin's inexpensive illusions book hits shelves in book and video format. Where you can make magic illusions out of kiddie pools and cardboard boxes. Woo!!

Now in the 21st Century we have (Dun dun dunnnn) Andrew Mayne!!! He's an inventor, writer, and movie maker!! He enables the poor, downtrodden, and otherwise un-rich magi of the world have a chance at parlor and stage magic. He is truly a demi-(moore)god.... or is he?

Starting with Mad Mojo, Solo X, and Illusion FX he made a name for himself with books about rational cheap ideas for performance. Then using his evil side, he made Mind FX and Shock Magic (Which was re-released bigger and probably without the spelling and graffics errors. I have the original myself. Haven't seen the new one.) Then he started making stuff like the pocket levitator & sawing in half, bisection, and face lifter. How to float, saw yerself in half, and take off yer head in very cheap ways.

This trend continues to his larger series of things like voodoo box and the newest Light Storm. With all of Andrew Mayne's products themselves you could put on a show that could easily be called "The Cardboard and Duct Tape Show" (Don't laugh we did a show like that once). Hell include the videos and books you have an hour show that you could decorate the stage like a back alley... which in today's society, that could sell.... hmmm.....

Anywho, the biggest qualm with this stuff is half the time there is no motivation or the effect only seems half thought our or half-assed. You would also think that someone with a film background would actually produce some demo videos for his products instead of crappy animated gifs. Could it be because he doesn't want you to see how bloody obvious some of them are? Hrm.. coooould be.

Don't get me wrong I have nothing against him, (Except he won't return emails), I just think he started bilking people when he knew he had made a name for himself by putting out some material that is less than stellar. He's not the only one who does it *cough*SaNkEy*cough* *cough*HeNrY eVaNs*cough* but that don't make it right. Seriously look at the voodoo box effect. Tell me that would fool ANYBODY. Just from the photo. It looks like a box with umbrellas sticking in it. Umbrellas are not that dangerous... but I have never been killed by one.

So basically hats off to you Mr. Mayne, but also a leery eyebrow at you and some of your items. You give poor kids hope for a better and cheaper show. Originality is a great thing, but...

There is always someone bitching right?

Bizzaro.

Who's been slacking off? Thaz right I have!!! Why? Because I am LAZY YOU DOLTS!! THERE I HAVE SAID IT. YOU HAPPY NOW!?

Ahem, I digress. I was talking with some kids the other day about magic, character, and material. I hear from a lot of people that they don't think they can do comedy just because they personally don't think they are funny. Therefore they try to play a straight character but even a straight man can be funny. Costello? Zeppo? Dean? All straight men but funny in their own right.

If you play a character who believes his own hype, but the hype is waaay out there like, "I will use my Jedi powers to make you see THIS!!! (insert amazing card maneuver here)" and you reeeeealy mean it, thaz funny. So just because you don't think you can be off the wall funny/ silly never fear!! There is hope for you yet!

By the way, yes my trip to CA went well. Much waffles to be had, experienced my first paintball game (Hazing is more like it), and visited Le Magic Castle once again and even performed two impromptu shows for fun. Do yourself a favor and go before you can't anymore.

Recently saw the Robin Williams HBO DVD. Watch this. Sure he sez about 50 zillion cuss words but fuk it, you only live once right? He is a prime example of the research someone should do into the field of entertainment. Always watch people in EVERY area of your business. Watch the pros at work, not just the magic acts. You just might learn something!!

So until next time it is 6:30 in the AM and I can't sleep, this is Bizzaro saying be true to who you are and go buy some shoddy merchandise!!

Bizzaro.

Ok so I don't update as much as I should however this time I have an excuse. From Wed morn until Mon evening I shall be in Long Beach, CA. I shall return with an update into the seemy underbelly of the magic world as I shall be visiting the magic castle to be sure. So if you want to kill some time go see our brand new Promo Video Updated for 2004.

Also if you wanna amuse yerself head over to Space Slugs dot Com and watch episode 5!!

Toodles.

Bizzaro.

Is there a method to our madness?

I know for a fact there are some tricks I create that work only for the way I perform. My style, demeanor, and body motions. Mind you I think most effects created are like that, but when they try to sell them, it becomes mainstream and loses something. Somethings only make sense in the hands of the originator. Some moves only come off correctly when performed the way they were intended.

So why do we bother to sell our personal moves for people to butcher and hack them to hell? Do we want to be remembered for something like Alex Elmsley? Do we want to be considered a great magical thinker like Eugene Burger? Or is the fact that we just wanna make a big fat buck like Donald Trump? Some moves should stay with who creates them because if it is tailored to their body language. It makes sense.

Bizzaro.

C is for Cookie

Which has NOTHING to do with my post, but I am listening to The Independents version of that song. It's awesome.

Ok so the other day I was talking to someone about how much I really don't like cube zag or hardly any other box illusions. (Which I think perturbed them a bit. I wasn't saying I hate them for doing it, just I really hate that trick. More than I have a major disdain for that damn Interlude illusion.) When I was younger I was all into doing box illusions. Then as someone put it "I snapped" along the way and started doing magic a bit differently and really going against what has been established as what a magician is. So why don't I like box tricks you ask?

Well riddle me this Batman, if you could REALLY cut a girl into pieces or stretch them or crawl thru them or WHATEVER would you really need a big gaudy box to do it? Why not save 3,000 dollars and just do it. Hmmm maybe because it's a TRICK!! GASP NO!! Oh but yes. So now why do I hate the cube zag? Prolly the same reason I hate all the illusions I do. They make NO sense. Oh sure Copperfield tries to justify it by saying stuff like "I had this nightmare once...". Give me a break the only nightmare this guy has is that his cocaine supply runs dry and he wakes up married to Lance Burton. Ok sure you can make up half assed reasons to cut yourself or someone else in half, but what is yer excuse for shoving different shaped tubes thru a box? The only way I can see this is to make it look like a giant version of that square peg in the round hole thing they give to kids to teach them tab A goes into slot B. (We still have trouble with that as the years go on right ladies?)

So I am not saying I hate the magicians who do these tricks I just don't like the tricks themselves. Hell I will still watch them being done especially if it is a good presentation. Only a few magi have had boxes make sense. I wish more would.

But hey magic isn't supposed to make sense right?

Bizzaro.

"What makes you a magician?"

This question was posed on a Penguin Magic forum. Many of the responses were just about how good someone was or how long they do it or if they are a "pro". My response was as thus...

"There is a point here that is being missed methinks. Professional by definition is someone who makes ALL if not most of his living from his job. Now this does not mean you won't GET a real job and do one show every 6 months and still live with yer fambly. No no. You can live on your own doing it.

What does it mean to be a magician? It's not being flawless at your skill. It's not knowing every trick in the book. It's not even being better than other people. (It helps but that is not it.) You use the knowledge you have learned to entertain others and give them an enjoyable experience. You weave many elements together to make something that furthers the art and outlook of what we do."

Now there is a lot missing from this. Tonight me and a magic fiend of mine were discussing this. In today's instant gratification society kids have access to TONS of info none of us EVER had when we started. Even before I started it was even more sparse. No videos, no DVD's or internet. It was a book here and there and you had to follow the teachers around and watch them. They in turn had to watch you to see if you were worthy to teach. Today I will NOT teach someone who is not ready. To apprentice a learned person is hard work. Magic taught me discipline and patience. (Just like martial arts but without all the pretense.)

Today very few have patience nor will they research or try hard to make themselves better. They just go with what they are told or think they know. To quote Billy Barty in Willow: "Forget everything you know, or think you know." Which finger has the power to change the universe. If you can answer this question you are well on the way to being an apprentice yourself. (Of what I don't know.)

To be a magician it takes knowing that you are not one. You are an entertainer. You put together many elements to entertain the masses because JUST being a magician.. is well.. boring. It takes knowing your art and how to use it and how to teach it. A magician is more than putting girls ina box, and producing doves. (I know I know.. how dare I say such things?) Is a dancer someone who JUST dances? Is an artist simply someone who JUST draws? Is a mime.. well a mime is just a mime we'll leave it at that. Is a magician JUST someone that fools people and gets paid to do it? Nay... it is more.

Much, much more.

I'll leave you to figure out the rest.

Bizzaro.

I will let This speak for itself.

Bizzaro.

Mmm high in iron at twice the price.

Someone pleeeeeeese explain to me why there is the trend of people putting coins into one's mouth. Recently it has become a big thing with Mickey Silver and his eyeball scorching Retention Pass. (I.E: it's very good.) It's very unnatural and not very dignified. I can't see Dai Vernon ever doing something like this. (Quite frankly what I have heard about the man he wouldn't have thought much about a lot of today's magic but I digress.) He wore suits, moved slow (not just because of old age), and tried to have an air of refinement. Placing a dirty foreign coin in yer mouth, (I don't mean foreigners are dirty, just their money), is kinda, well.. common. Something David Blaine would do as a common dirty man on the street.

While I am on the subject I think David Blaine's name should be used in the same way actors use the name Macbeth and therefore treated as such. Bad luck if spoken unless otherwise using it in context such as, "I saw David Blaine do this trick on TV and boy did he fuck it up. lemme show you how to do it right." or "Yah I could put my hand thru a window front to steal watches too if I had David Blaines lack of ethics." Regardless.. I digress again. Where was I?

Ah yes, coins in the mouth. Makes no sense to me. This rests right up there with unnatural props and strange hand motions. It also lends itself to my theory of impossible is not amazing. It is a puzzle. "Ok so he put the coin in his mouth and pulled it out of his ear. Either he is as brainless as his choice in clothes OR there is a trick to it. I wonder if I can figure it out." We all know there is no tunnel from the throat to the ear big enough for a coin. It must be magic right? But.. there is no such thing as magic right? Quite the conundrum aye?

I think my point is I sure as hell won't be pretending to eat any coins anytime soon. I know where my money has been... and it's dirty.. oh so dirty.

Bizzaro.

Time to bitch. I know what a shocker. Let's take a look at hocus-pocus' new stuff shall we? (Bad elevator music plays) Woo let's pick on This first. A real functioning metal detector. Wow I bet this just is GREAT for walking around restaurants. Great opener. WEEeeeeeeeooOOOOOOooooo "Egads I have found some metal at this table. What that sir? You say it's the plate in yer head? Can Is tick this magnet to it? No sire stay seated what are you AUGH!! MY FINGERS MY LIFE IS RUINED.. NO MORE SEX FOR ME!!"

Yah a metal detector that makes a child lazer gun or barnyard noises just screams respect and cool doesn't it? Why do people put out these props that they create for themselves and then decide to make money off of it. It would be like me releasing my rose thru the hand effect. It was made for my act in mind. Anyone else doing it just because it looks cool is doing it for the wrong reason. If I convinced enuff young penguin magic kinda kids they needed it they would buy it. However it would become magic closet fodder after a while when they realized there as no practical use for it for their character. Very few demented magi's out there really. Too many effects get released in the name of the almighty dollar. When they are made for one certain person and get marketed for everyone it loses that original presentation flair and becomes another trick that could readily get exposed by a poor performer.

Regardless, I suppose my point is that a metal detector is a dumb idea. Then again so is this.

Bizzaro.

Posted on a sideshow message board but it applies here too.

After being in the entertainment business for a very long time, (Not as long as some but thaz life isn't it?), and seeing egos clash and backstabbing and asskissing and all of that fun stuff that makes the entertainment industry annoying and great at the same time I wanna say a few things. First I have never understood why many of the performers I meet are complete pricks. If they aren't it's because they think they can use you or yer skill to their advantage. I suppose popularity makes you feel all important and all of that crap but some seem to lose sight of why they do what they do. Just because yer a freek as it were doesn't give you the right to try and be a complete outcast to your fans or the places that hire you. Woo yer special you stick pins in yerself, regurgitate, lay in spikes etc etc (Not a personal attack on anyone just a generalization).. so what? Yer still a person and should act as such. Just because you got personal problems doesn't mean you can take it out on others and if you feel so damn high and mighty maybe you SHOULD be taken down a peg or two and remember what it's like to be human again. Don't believe yer own press kit.

Then we have these guys who have been in the business so long be it magic, sideshow, whatever who are so jaded they think they are always in the right because they are older and have "Experience". Sometimes thaz not all you need. An open mind is good too. Maybe some common sense and the willingness to accept that there are differences in people and the world is changing. There is a market for everything, if you can find it and make them believe they need it. Everyone is entitled to their opinion just as I am here so stop bickering, name calling, pointing fingers and letting yer damn egos get the best of you. Defending yerself is one thing, but beating a dead horse is.. well amusing in some countries but not here. Professionals you say? Act like it.

"Arguing on the internet is like racing in the special olympics. Even if you win, yer still retarded."

Bizzaro.
www.smappdooda.com

*This message brought to you by a guy with too much free time and a strong venomous opinion. If you don't like it tough. Thaz life. You have yer views I have mine. Don't tell me mine are wrong and yours are right. It doesn't fly. It's just the way it is. Thank you goodnight. Tip yer waitress.. over.*

It's been awhile. I am sorry children of all ages. Life has sucked, but it's getting better. Now to torture you myself. This is disturbing. (Thanx to Andy for this link. It really really boggles my mind this guy even EXISTS.) This is what I am talking about everytime I am in a Barnes and Noble, Borders, Waldenbooks, and all them other over priced bookstores. Hell even Half Priced books does it too.

Go into ANY bookstore and ask where the magic books are. Where do you end up? Performing arts? No. An art section of any kind? Hell no. Games and hobbies. GAMES AND FREEKING HOBBIES!! Magic has been reduced to a game and hobby in the eyes of the world. Even MIMES have books in performing arts. MIMES OR THE LOVE OF GAWD!! Don't you see what I am saying? This sucks and it's all the fault of kokgobblers like that rotund lawn gnome up there in that link. (mind you this is unfair to lawn gnomes as they actually serve a purpose. I dunno what that is, but I am sure it's important.) Magic has been thrust deep right above mimes but right below jugglers. Hell clowns get more notoriety because they can scare the shit out of people. When was the last time a magician scared you? I don't mean with magic, with just looking like they do. (In otherwords badly dressed 80's fashion victims or closet drag queens.)

I'll tell you what scares me. That magic has gotten this far into a bad place. You say you do a sideshow people are like "Really?" you say I do magic and they go "Oh.. really?" I'm not just gonna blame it on Uncle Bob solely, but the hobbyists have tainted it in the eyes of those who do not know. Do you perform ballet without practicing. Do you go to a Kung Fu tourney without knowing what yer doing? Why buy a trick and screw it up or do it badly. It's easy. Nothing is on the line. It's just a trick. Oh well. I blame the rise of magic shops trying to just turn a buck, online and off. I guess it's kinda like the stripper I used to date. She said "If they're stupid enuff to give me money, I'm gonna take it."

Magic isn't viewed as a serious artform anymore and it prolly won't be ever again. The blame falls everywhere, but mostly on the shoulders of mental midgets like Mr. Shamu Ebay up there. This is why I have shirked the title magician, and gone right to entertainer. Anyone can do magic, but it's harder to entertain people. Think about it... and DON'T buy that DVD!!

Geezus.

Bizzaro.

Word of warning...

I have had a not so great week. Well lemme rephrase that.. not so great 6 months, but the last week to be specific has sucked more so. I lost my phone last week and a few days ago my electricty got cut off. Also might have to lose my place of living. So I may not be updating this page for a bit, but you never know. Hell I am doing it now aren't I? Not like anyone reads this. I know that like 2-3 do from my website hits log. Anyway... just a heads up. I still haven't gotten enuff people for the book contest I had a while back. Only one guy sent a suggestion. I need at least one more. Don't know what I am talking about? Try looking at previous posts. Toodles.

Bizzaro.
www.smappdooda.com

It's a long and dark dangerous winding road creating magic to sell to a discerning crowd of rip off hacks and complete clones. Magic is a very free form thought process. However there are a lot of closed minded gits out there sadly. Many forget that what works for real people doesn't go over well with magi's. Mind you a svengali deck gets real people. Not like it's hard. However magicians try to create stuff to fool other magicians. Others try to do something that appeases both normal people and magicians. (cuz' let's face it, magicians are NOT normal.) One such person is Mickey Silver. Man this guy has taken the retention vanish and amped it up to inhuman proportions. I saw a video of it recently and my god this thing kills. He is going to release a DVD on it soon. This is where I stop and ask "Why"? So every hack can do it and you can make a buck? Is it to further the art but adding a new piece of unknown knowledge to the sub-culture.. or do you just want yer name in the history books?

Regardless it's always the human nature of newest, shiny toy. Even if it's just a move or idea, it's still new and EVERYONE is doing it (or wants to). Gee all the better reason to stay away from it. How can you be an individual by doing everyone else's stuff. Now in the case of techniques and moves it's understandable, but find a place for it IF it fits you. Too many people create stuff that they create for them, pass it off to make a buck, and muddle the world further. Hell I think it sucks when magicians blatantly rip off other guys and there is nothing they can do. Everyone waxes poetic about Meir Yedid's "Fade Out" however no one else seems to know that Peter Duffie came out with "Wipe Out" first. The effect and handling is the same. Would Meir do this knowingly? Mr. Duffie doesn't think so and chalks it up to both of them coming up with the same idea independently. I say PUUUUUHLEEEESE!!! Not my place but I do not think it's cool. But I digress...

So let's talk about new effects that were recently seen. One of such is the Tommy Wonder/ Losander effect "Sphere". Well first off Tommy Wonder revamped the "Zombie" ball by changing the gimmick and afew other things. Looked good. Losander too this Idea and made his now infamous "Floating Table". Quite frankly it's a great effect but fooking expensive for some balsa wood. Also too many people are doing it. So they got together and made the "Sphere" which appears to me to be a self contained (Gimmick and all) zombie. Ok I am down with that. Looks good. (Looks like the sphere version of the floating table but again, I digress.) My problem is, it looks like a fooking Phlat Ball. Un-natural as all hell. You can search around for a video demo if it if you look hard enuff. I am done hunting links down for you lazy buggers. It costs way more money than I would wanna pay for something that looks more out of place than a set of nice cups and balls. Hey slap two top names on the sucker and charge out the wang for it.. whatever. It's yer thing do what you wanna do. Show me a way to make a bowling ball do it, I'll be more impressed.

Bizzaro.
www.smappdooda.com

This Magic Moment...

For us the moment magic happens is when the move occurs. At that moment the magic is done. The hard part is over. Now we just have to turn over that card, reveal that coin, put out that fire, etc etc. However, for the audience they haven't seen any magic as of yet. Just some fancy moves, some personal juggling, maybe some snappy patter. (if they're lucky) Where is their magic moment? There are a lot of theories on sustaining that "magic moment". Some people think you have to stop the action to a crawl and say something incredibly stupid like, "And I cast a Shadow over the (insert object in question here)..". Not hardly. You should give them a magic moment. Something you do, be it snapping the fingers, wiggling the fingers, moving your body in a rock like motion, or other such silly stuff. That is when the magic happens for them.

You see it's like sex, (Which some of you may not know much about or might have to pay for it which means you can do what you want. It's yer money and yer anxious. I can appreciate that. Then there are those of you who have the internet and can type with one hand a little too well... but I digress.), you like to prolong that "magic moment" as it were, (If yer any kind of romantic person anyway. If yer paying for it, just forget I said any of this.), and it's always better when you kinda don't just go wham, bam, thank yah ma'am.

So magic is just like sex.. except I do magic waaaay more. Well maybe JUST not like sex. I don't need to take a shower after I find someone's card.. they might have to but.. no no I am losing my train of thought here. Basically, don't just throw their card down on the table after putting it in the deck and going "there". Ooh thank you Mr. Excitement!! Don't put a coin in yer hand and IMMEDIATELY open yer hand to show it's gone. Do a little foreplay. A little dinner, a little dancing. In the end when the magic happens, it's more powerful and fulfilling for both parties involved.

Magic and sex... what the hell was I thinking?

Bizzaro.

I think it is time to explain myself.... first take a look at this post.

Done? Ok... I was banned from that site for my defense of deleting and editing posts on subjects that are not as sensitive as they think. Basically I was booted for talking about censorship. (Ironic doncha think?) Later I went back in under a different name, (Years later I might add), and made a post in a section about fire magic on how NOT to burn yourself silly. What did they do? They banned that new name and deleted the post. The title of their site "Magicians helping Magicians" is kinda hypocritical at this point.

I have heard many things from people who have been banned, are still on, or have worked for the site. Now despite the fact that I love the stuff this guy sez about them... I personally won't resort to calling Scott Guinn a bible humping talentless hack. That's just wrong.. even if it is true. At this point the Cafe has grown beyond the scope of what it started as and has lost it's focus. There are too many hands in the soup and no one knows what the other cook is doing. (For all we know they are whackin' off in the "secret" sauce.)

What bothers me the most is they say they are like no other magic board... which is true. No one else bans, scares off, or downright censors anyone like they do. Now some of you reading this may not agree. You might be friends with these people. Hell you might even be those people. First off, thaz not my problem. Second, all of this is my opinion. I'm entitled to it. Not because of the constitution, but because I believe in the freedom to say what I want when I want and the only way to stop me is to kill me. Thaz my freedom of speech.. you have it and I have it. Words are words and some words can be more effective than others but you must know the right time and place to use them. This is for magic, and the world. Don't let anyone tell you how to be..

be whoever you are.

Bizzaro.

Why am I not Surprised?

Just got this back from the people at the magic castle.... "Yes, we received and reviewed your CD. I'm regret to say that we are not booking any new acts of this genre at this time."

Gee what a fucking shocker. I don't shove chicks in a box, produce doves, or do card manipulation or torn and restored Newspaper. It sucks trying to be different I tells yah. For all of the ranting and raving I do about being original, sometimes it can be a double edged sword. I'm not bitter.. just annoyed.

However talking to Morgan from out in Vegas he and I both agree that doing magic for magicians suck. Remember that kids... real people are who we work for. Magicians are not your focus. You should always think like a lay person (I hate that term) AND a magician. You must be Switzerland.. you just wanna make cheese.

Oh well... keep up the good work everyone. You may all go now.. but leave your pants.

Bizzaro.

Update: The world has changed since I was 16 and doing magic in bars. It's a lot harder to get anywhere in the entertainment business. I won't say I was born in the wrong era, but I missed something. Mind you in the 70's I would have either been burned at the stake, or they would have been so drugged up that they would have loved me.

I just want to BEAT people like This. "What's a topit?" Any of you younger kids who are reading this do me a favor and do some FUCKING research!!!!! I'm sick of these people who immerse themselves into magic for a year or two, get really good at sleights, think they are the shizznit, and know nothing about certain aspects of magic. Now I am not one of those gung-ho "You must learn the history of magic dating back to the farrows (pun) and cups and balls and the history of the linking rings and blah blah blah.." kinda guys. It's good to know that stuff, but it's good to know not only how it works but why. I'm also not saying you have to directly research, just pay attention and look around. Blinders are for horses. Have an open mind, open eyes, and open ears. Listen, look, and THINK!!!! This isn't just for magic but for your whole bloody life.

Knowledge is never bad, but lack of it can be.

Bizzaro.

http://www.timothywallace.com/magic/haydn.asp

I don't agree with everything Mr. Haydn sez (Which is not a first) but he has some good points. I think it is good to learn the basics and KNOW the classics but not make them part of yer show so much. Sure anyone can learn them, buy them, perform them... but everyone does that. Everyday new people are egtting exposed to magic. They have never seen the cups n' bawls, clinking rings, or gypsy fooking thread. However before they die they will probably see it more times than they should. Sure I sound biased and whatnot... and I am. However that is my freedom to say so. Don't like it? Bite me.

Anywho, I just don't think we need clones running around enforcing magical inbreeding. Everything has it's place, I just want to see some more reinforcement that moves away from the norm. Is that too much to ask.. IS IT!!!!?

and now for yer amusement....


Bizzaro.

Wow that was a great box trick, but can he make a card stick to a ceiling?

We were watching the "Worlds Greatest Magic Show" (An only slightly over-inflated and complete lie. Three performers are good. The others are iffy. The MC is great and therefore doesn't count.) afterwards at dinner with all of them we thought, "They do good stage stuff, but can any of them do close-up that would amuse anyone?"

Let's break this down by performer shall we?

1. Jeff Hobson: Probably can do some good close-up. He knows a mercury fold and card in Mouth. That's at least one.
2. Joseph Gabriel: Probably not.
3. Nicholas Knight and Kinga: I don't think Kinga knows any magic persay. (Aside from the magic of being a Hungarian hottie.) Nicholas Knight can do at least ONE I know of cuz' he is selling it and has a demo of him doing it. So he probably knows something.
4. Sylvester The Jester: Two words - Sylvester, Pitch. Yes he can do close up. Seen it with my own eyes.
5. The Majestix: (snorts.. er. shakes Magic 8 Ball)Chances are not bloody likely.
6. Kevin James: Oh yah.. good stuff.

So what is the moral of this story? Original magicians don't limit themselves? Shitty box and dove magicians do? I don't think so... at least gads I seriously hope not.

So why get into magic and learn only one medium? I love stage. More than anything else. However I know you have to be able to do good close up too to survive. I'm not saying the aforementioned performers can't do it, I just can't SEE them doing it. If you have ever been told that you can ONLY be a card guy, coin person, stage magician, rope wrangler then you have been told wrong. You can learn it all!!

Now this does not mean go nutz and learn everything that comes out, thaz not what I am saying no. Learn enough to be educated but not hindered. Learn enough to be able to apply it to the situation as you see fit. Not everything is gold. Hell not everything is fake bling bling y0. So if you just do close-up, maybe you should think of trying for some parlour or stage branching out. It's good for your skill and art. Rarely do close-up kids go into stage. Usually it's vice versa, just remember: DON'T SUCK!!!!!

For our sakes....

Bizzaro.

Ok well I have only gotten one request thus far and to make it a real contest I need more than one you ungrateful wretches..er..I mean loyal readers. So until the void is filled on another request I might as well yap to my heart's content about something else. I think I shall make a personal attack on the little nose-miner fuck trophies over at some of the magic boards I lurk on.

Personally I blame the degradation of magic into a capitalist hellhole on the abundance of slimy amateur magicians who think shlepping lackluster products to pre-pubescent males who couldn't get laid if they had a checking account is a good business venture. Back in the olden days (Way before my time I might add) magic stores were not as prolific nor were they run by just any numbnut. They also were (but not always) somewhat discriminating as to what they would or would not sell a hobbyist.

Now it's the future. We have the inter-web. Ah yes, the internet... where porn and blackmail roam free like so many water buffalo on a wildlife preserve. Someone realized there was a giant gap in the online magic market and decided to fill it. However what they filled it with was CRAP!!!!! Now they have message boards full of kids who know only so much as they are told and don't look much beyond their own computer screen for answers. They assume that just cuz' they found a website that guarantees them power, popularity, and some really neet magical apparatus then that's all they need to know. Technology has made us all lazy and magic on the web is no different. I see so many stupid questions that could be easily answered with just a bit more of effort on their part. I tire of seeing posts like "Invisible Deck: Is it worth it?" If you have to ask this question you should be booted from a magic board and forced to take up a hobby like cross-stitch. The first time it was asked should be your answer. There is a search function for a reason you know?

As the lazy factor climbs, so does the arrogance factor. Sure you've been in magic for, wow 2 whole years? You must be good enough to have yer own TV show. < /sarcasm > Here entertain me then. Notice I did not say fool me with some really convoluted sleight of hand. Technique is not the same as performance.

Speaking of your own show, every time I see someone who knows nil about performing (and blew his birthday money on a buncha props) books a show and then asks, "What is the best way to blah blah blah. I have a show this weekend." I want to bludgeon them about the head and shoulders. NEVER do a show you have not timed, practiced, and blocked out. You make us all look bad. It's like the blonde bimbo who sets women's lib back 40 years. Quite frankly it's too late to fix anything. (Much like women's lib in some cases.) Thus those who care have to care more and those who don't care... have to be lit on fire by those who do care. It's only because we care...

Bizzaro.

(The following sure is rather bitter and jaded but it has been a frustrating week. Don't like it, too bad!!)

Ok so I am feeling a bit generous. I'm takin' it to the streets. What do you people wanna hear me rant about? Send me some subjects!! Anything magic related you want to hear my thoughts on or my twisted views let's have them. The subject I choose will get a free copy of my book "CHEAT DAMN YOU!!" so email me at smappdooda@hotmail.com and give me some ideas. It's not that I am tapped out I just feel like taking a break and using this as an opportunity for misdirection away from the lack of entries. Deal with it.

Bizzaro.
www.smappdooda.com

"Pick a black queen"
"I choose Ru Paul"
"no no no!!"

I love that. It amuses me greatly. So 2004 started off nicely. Good weather. Overcast, cool, pleasant. So tell me, what do you know about make-up. Not like drag queen stuff. I mean for stage work and even close up. Too many performers not only lack personality but also fluid motions, (You can be clumsy and still be rhythmic), and proper blocking. (Not that is not if you eat a lot of cheese. It's the way you place yourself and objects on stage and how they move around and where to etc.) If you are a serious performer, not just some "Hey look I got 20 bucks from selling the flowers I stole off a dead guys graves, I wanna buy a trick deck" kinda guy, then it is worth your time and effort to learn about your environment.. the stage.

Even close up is a stage. When you do close-up, put a thin layer of clear nail polish on your hands.. well not your hands but yer fingernails.. but you know what I meant dammit!!! It makes your hands look more manicured and professional. It seems silly but it's true. As for stage itself, stage lights will KILL your face. As in it blots it out to a mass of expressionless nothing. You want to put eyeliner around the eyes, and some perhaps in the eyebrows if you use a lot of facial expressions. Also light rouge of the cheeks and even lip liner for the lips for bigger stages. There are also ways to give the illusion of thinner cheeks, noses and other facial stuff. Look it up. I would do it for you but I am fascinated by my tear ducts right now.

So let's talk about movement a bit. Always, ALWAYS practice not only your magic moves but also the movements of your body AND the facial expressions. Body language and expressions are heavy misdirection when used properly. Let's talk about something very unknown. If you want to be perceived as a good guy type always enter from Stage Right. (if you don't know where that is you need more help than I can give.) And stage left if you want to be given off a personality of more foreboding. People read from left to right. They are more comfortable with that. Unless of course you are performing for the Chinese then it's Upstage to downstage.. they read funny.

So magic is more than just knowing the magic, it's performing it. If you are going to do this stuff, at least do it right. Quit making me look bad by sucking. If the best thing you can do for magic is get out of it.. DO SO!!!

Bizzaro.